Paintball: Menace to Society



I like to paintball. I don't mind pain all that much either. I, however, loathe unnecessary roughness.

Real paintball is nowhere near unnecessary.

We leave Friday night. Josh Manning, Felipe and I get into my Jeep. Of course, Josh must make a big deal out of riding with me.

"Do I want to get there safe, or have an adventure?" He asked himself loud enough for all of us to hear. Lance and Chris laugh as they get into Chris' truck. I walked away, laughing. I know he needs to ride with me. He needs it like cocaine.

"Yall follow us to my house," said Chris.

Felipe is a great guy. I love him like a brother, however, sometimes he is slow in doing things. He hasn't packed yet, and we are fixing to leave. So, as he goes upstairs to pack, Chris' loud truck zooms away, leaving us ignorant of where he lives. I have no idea where he lives. Neither does Josh know where he lives.

In 10 minutes, Felipe comes down and we set off. I'm hungry so I say, "Whatever!" and go to Taco Bell. We are in the DriveThru, when we realize that Chris and Lance are waiting for us to meet them at Chris'. Josh calls them.

"Hey guys, where's Chris' house? No, we're by Lafayette General (That's nowhere near his appartment). You live on University? Ok, um, meet us at Taco Bell." He hangs up and laughs. So do we. As I get my food we pull around the side. Chris' truck is there so I pull up on the passenger side and roll down my window. Lance is in the passenger side, so he rolls down his window too. I start to eat my Chalupa when they realize we weren't ever at Lafayette General.

An hour later, we are 7 miles north of Laf, riding through the back woods because Chris doesn't know where he is. We pull into this picturesque plantation home and driveway. I think, "Man. We're gonna be campin' in style!" As we pull around back, I notice this "shed". It has wooden siding that is falling off, and chipped. The front porch is unlevel. There is only a screen door that is the front door.

We step out of the vehicle and are bombarded with a bloodthirsty St. Bernard who isn't so bloodthirsty, but don't tell Lance that. The first human we see has an unkempt beard, no shirt or shoes and is carrying a gun.

Try and imagine the deepest, most raspy voice possible.
"Hey! We're gonna play some paintball!"

Josh Manning at this point thought to himself, "I am not playing paintball."

He is yelling. "Al'right. Y'all come on this way, and I'll show ya where we'll be startin'." He leads us to this gate with goats behind it. "Yeah! Goats are gonna be in here, try not to shoot 'em! The attackers are gonna start here, for the first game, after that we are gonna do somethin' different, so it won't matter then." May I remind you that we are in the woods at 10 pm, so it is pitch black. "So, we're gonna split up teams and make sure yall are ok tomorrow, me and Tim are gonna plan teams tonight!" We are walking through the woods. The only people that have lights are Tim and Chris. He is ahead of everyone. "You see that orange light over there...that's where the defenders are gonna be. Now, the attackers are gonna come and attack us, so we'll be defendin'. And you gotta be fast and get us. Watch out for that spider web." He points but there is no light. Chris points his flashlight into the darkness in the direction Aaron (no-shirt dude) was gesturing. Sure enough, there was a big spider web. "Yeah! We have a lot of Banana spiders here, so watch out!" He chuckles. We're gonna get up at 5 AM! YEAH! and were gonna come out here and do an attack match!" He leads us away from the house, deeper into the woods. "Let me show ya where we'll be playin' next! It's a little far from the house!" Tim doesn't even know where it is and he lives there.

After all this commotion, we go back to the house. Lance and Josh watch 24 ALL NIGHT LONG. Tim, Aaron and I stay up doing geek stuff, like looking at Tim's collection of LOTR memorabelia. We stay up till 2.

At 5 AM, I wake up to...

"ALL RIGHT! IT'S TIME TO PLAY SOME PAINTBALL!" I am located on the door side of Tim's bed. Aaron is located on the other side. I hear a few bumps then feel him run over my body as he goes to the light and turns it on. "GET YOUR GEAR AND LETS RUMBLE! WAHOO!" I'm pretty scared at this point.

"ALLRIGHT!" Aaron says. "Here, Ryan. You'll be on our team. You'll need some camouflage paint for your hands, and we can get you some cammo for your gun and your body!"

He had a full cammo suit, with a cammo cloth over his face to conceal his helmet. He had his gun totally cammouflaged with cloth and a leather concealer for his SCOPE!

We get out there and it is pitch black. Josh and Lance are watching 24. The rest of us go out to our respective places...assigned by Aaron.

An hour later, our masks start to unfog, and we can see past our feet. My legs are cramping because I've been crouching for so long. I am right next to Aaron. The difference is that Aaron is laying under palmettos. I can't really tell he's there, and I'm 2 feet from the guy. He hasn't moved in 45 minutes.

I talked to him later, and at this point, he was debating whether or not to urinate on himself because he didn't want to give away his position. ROTFLOL!

Another guy is there, Josh. NOT MANNING! He is kinda quiet. He is standing in the middle of an open area yelling and shooting into space...to give away his position. We haven't seen action in an hour.

Long story shorter than if I told the whole thing, I get a headshot on Chris.

Long story short,

The last battle of the day:

I am all alone behind a tree. There are three of them, and one of me. Josh is on the other team. He runs at me full speed shooting. He hits me from 7 feet away.

It hurts so bad, I CAN'T SCREAM! All three of them get me! But the seven footer hurt for days!

Quote: "You wanna cook for me the rest of my life?" Ryan Hutchinson proposal to make his girlfriend his fiance?

WAL-MART AGAIN???

Why does Wal-Mart always mean trouble? I'll probably never know.

Ken, Lance and I go to Wal-Mart. Why? We need to buy useless junk.

Ken rides in my back seat. Whenever he does ride in my back seat, he always seems to find stuff no one else can find. This time, he found my "Tweety Bird" pajamas.

"Why do you have Tweety Bird pajamas?" He laughs histerically.

I start to hit him, while driving. I stay on the road.

"No, seriously. Why do you have Tweety Bird pajamas?"
"Who wants a ride home from Wal-mart?" I ask, letting him know that he'll need to find one, cause I ain't bringin him home. Yeah, right.

We go to Wal-mart. I conspire with Lance to split up as soon as possible. Ken sees us talking, and inquires. We don't tell him, but he knows.

We successfully get away from him. We do our shopping and leave the store. Ken knows we left him, and also knows we didn't leave the parking lot.

Lance and I go to the car and move it.
15 minutes later, Lance and I are still waiting for him to come out the store.
We call him.

Me - "We left already, so find yourself a ride home."
Ken - "Ok. Bye."
Click.

My phone - Ring Ring.
It's Ken.
Me - "Hello"
Ken - "Do you know where I can find the Relish?"
Me - "Yeah, by the pickles."
Ken - "Thanx"
Click.

...
...
...

10 minutes later.

Me - "Hey Ken."
Ken - "Yeah?"
Me - "I felt bad about leaving you. I'm coming back in 5 minutes. Be outside."
Ken - "Ok."
Me - "Where are you?"
Ken - "The magazines."

JERK! He knew I was bluffing. He was wasting my stinkin time.

I was played.

So, when I was younger, I liked a show called, "Mr. Bean". I liked it so much that my cousin started calling me "Bean".
Long story short, my mom got me a stuffed animal for my birthday, "Teddy".
Teddy is Mr. Bean's stuffed animal.



Here he wanted to drive.

Well, I was excited.

1. Because I had liked Teddy from my youth.
2. Cause a stinkin stuffed bear is awesome!



He was hungry after a long day's work.


He's been going around with me everywhere. See if you can meet him. He's cool.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Discretion Advised! Don't read if your squemish! There are NO PICTURES, though. Everyone gets hungry. If you dont you die. Because you don't eat. I eat a lot. I like to eat. Eating is fun. Eating is enjoyable. Well, after you eat, everyone knows what happens. Some people take offense to this. Why? Everyone on the planet does this. I am talking about defication. Well, I came up with a kind of "code" if you will, to discuss this when mixed company is around. We use the symbology of a phone... "Phone call" = #2 "Text Message" = #1 "Phone ringing" = flatulence "Phone booth" = bathroom "Adding Minutes" = eating Ive been using it so much now, that some of my friends use it also. Including, James, Lance, John Ward, and Ken Taylor. You know who your friends are when they start taking your little weird things and embrace it instead of rejecting. LOL. Yep. That's a friend. Well, I've discussed this because I don't know how to tell you about what happen to me on the night of Sept 2, 2006. I walked into Stokes Hall B. That's where I live. It usually stinks. It usually smells like a dirty bathroom. My room doesn't, but the hall does. So, when I walk in, and the smell is a little unusually strong, I don't pay that much attention. But it is UNUSUALLY strong. I go into my room, thankful to leave the soup of air. I do have to "text message" so I walk into the bathroom. LO' and BEHOLD! This was no ordinary phone call. This was "Defcon 5", this was "Mr. President, the whole world just declared war on us!", this was "Mr. President, all of our nukes accidently went off and now the world is going to suffer Nuclear winter. 98 percent of all people will die." This was "Ryan, I am taking your car because you drive like a grandpa" this was serious. What I am talking about is fecal matter around 2" in diameter and 18" - 20" in length. I almost threw up. It was the largest thing I have ever seen. DON'T HERE IFYOU DON'T WANT TO SEE IT!!! http://i101.photobucket.com/albums/m75/Rybotech/DSCF3498.jpg It was so large, I couldn't flush it. When I tried water would just roll over it and flow down the toilet. It wasn't only large, it was dense too. I am disgusted just talking about it. So, as I go to the urinal, my suite mate comes by. I am kinda weired out already, and the guy starts to talk to me. I'm like, "DUDE, bathroom etiquette! Don't talk to me now!" He goes to his room. I walk to his room, "What's up? Did you see that thing in there?" He nods shyly. OH NO! "You did it didn't you?" I ask him. He nods. I laugh uncontrollably...until I realize that he's not much bigger than I am. "How?" I ask him. He chuckles. "I don't know." "How long did it take you?" "A day." Sorry, for the graphicness but I think it was worth the experience. I also, think I should send it in to Guiness world book of records.

Sunday started as my friends and I went to church. I love Pastor Tommy. He's got such a big heart. Sometimes, I can't follow. It's probably my fault since I am pretty easily distracted.
I leave to go home, (Abbeville), and wash my car. Yeah, that's gonna happen.


I come back because Lance wanted to watch a movie. We watched "Annapolis".


It was ok. It was much better than, "Surrender, Dorothy." Which is pretty much the worst movie ever.

DON'T WATCH IT.

Then, we decide as a group, Philipe:Molly:Josh:Lance:Me to go eat somewhere. Where should we go? we ask. Mel's Diner.

We pack into "Reepacheepette", my jeep, and drive on over. As we get into my vehicle, Josh says, "Another adventure in Ryan's car."
"What does that mean?" ask I, knowing that he is talking about my driving skills.
"Oh, nothing. Just that I thank God everytime I exit your vehicle...thankful I'm alive."
I head on over to Mel's. Everyone is pretty frightened by the time we get there...it's only 2 miles down the road. I'm pretty much aggrevated because everyone exept Lance was freaking out. That's lame, because I drive like a grandpa. A good grandpa, in that I go slow.
"It's not your speed," says Josh, "It's your total obliviousness to EVERYTHING around you."
Little does he realize that the world does, in fact, NOT operate like Josh Manning. I do know what's going on around me. Just ask Lance.
So, as we get there...It's stinkin packed. There is nowhere to sit.
Josh runs out screaming,"NOOO! No seats." He hangs his head.
Molly says,"Let's go to IHOP." Everyone agrees except me. Gas is stinkin $933,459,384,332,112,355.34 &9/10 per gallon. Josh offers to pay for my coffee, he's making money now you know. So, I say ok. We drive over there, all the time everyone but Lance is screaming for their lives and saying how bad I drive, while they ALWAYS stinkin get there safe. Ridiculous.
We get to IHOP...guess what. It's dark. So, Lance and I exit the vehicle, little did we know, Philipe did too.
Josh says, "It's closed, guys."
We get up to the door and pull. It won't open. IHOP is supposed to be 24 hours. We knock, and noone answers. We read the sign that says, Sunday & Monday 6am-10pm.
"It's lying." I say. We knock again. Nothing happens.

We get back into the car, and as we are deciding where to go, I take the parking break off and let the car slowly roll backward. Everyone suspects that I have NO idea whats going on, and this furthers there conclusion that I am the worst driver on the planet.
We are discussion between Mel's Diner in Broussard or Waffle House. Lance says, "Mel's Diner in Broussard is too far. Let's go to Waffle House."
So, we go to waffle house on the northside. It takes us a little while to find it.
We're driving north on I49 and Waffle House is on our left. So, we can't just get over. Philpe Lance and Josh AND I see the no left turn sign. So, they all tell me not to turn left.............so I dont. So, it ended up I need to turn left because it was on the left of me. Well, I take three rights, which make a left, but this adds fuel to the flame that I cant drive.
So, I pull into the Waffle house on the North Side. It's pretty packed, but not too bad. We walked in and wait for a table big enough for all of us. I look around and see booths with just 2 people in them, and the waitresses and waitor running around. We wait about 10 minutes and then a table opens up. We all walk over and sit down, looking at menus.
All I want is a decaf coffee, so I just sit and harrass Josh. Well, 15 minutes later and with much frustration about not getting waited on, the waitor comes over and says, "I am sorry. Our cook walked out and we can't serve anyone else."
Josh looks at him and says, "Wow. Glad we are here then. I'll have a hungry man's breakfast, an orange juice and a pecan pie."
The man looks at him with bewilderment. Then, turns and walks away.
A cop comes through the front door. "Everybody who hasn't ordered yet, get out." Josh looks at me and passes gas.
We walk out to the car and get in.
"Where do you want to go now Lance?" I am giving him a hard time because he didn't want to go to Mel's.
"There's one close on I10." says Lance.
"I stinkin 10? Yeah, In Baton Rouge!" I say.
"No, there's one close." So, we drive...and drive...and drive...to Breaux Bridge.
"This is a lot closer than Mel's in Broussard." Josh adds.
We pull in and look. Seems normal. We walk in and wait for a table to be free. We stand around like guys do at a school dance, because he doesn't want to ask the girsl. Except this time, there were no girls to ask. So, we just stood there.
Finally, this girl, kinda skinny, wipes off the table and we sit down. We pretty much know what we want because we did this 15 minutes ago. We all order. I get a decaff coffee. We start to talk and things, about how all the people from the north side are going to come here, and such and such. Then, these guys, definitely from the northside, because we recognized them, come in. They start playing music VERY loud on their phone. The waitress get mad. The waitress comes over to take our order and I say, "Do you have a cook tonight?"
"Yes," she smiles. CLICK! 37 for the day. She's definitely hitting on me.
So, we order, and by this time I am done with my cup, so I order a new one. She says, "The pot is out, do you want me to make you another pot?" CLICK! 38 for the day.
"Sure!" I say. Her name is Louvillon, which is definitely cajun. I like cajun girls. But she kinda looks like she's on crack. So, I keep my suave back for the moment.
Then, whenever the loud boys leave, Molly gets scared that they are going to come back and shoot the joint. She, play acting as it's really happening, tries to get under the table.

We laugh.

"Yeah?" Molly says. "I bet the water comes from the waitress' toilet."
"If that's true, " says Philipe, "then Ryan's coffee is number 2."
We laugh for about 2 hours.
2 hours, and 5 refills later, we are about to leave, and I'm about to get her number.
She comes running and jumping from the back of the restaurant. "SMOKE BREAK, WAHOO!" She starts doing cartwheels and jumping jacks and she gets on a table and backflips off.
"Houson, we have a problem." I say. I don't like smoking and I definitely don't like it when someone gets that excited over smoking.
We find out she does smoke crack. How, she starts talking to the police officer behind us and says, "Yeah, Johnny quit sellin. I am gonna have to get another seller." WOW.

She was offly good friends with the Police though.

We leave again, and go to University, because I thought there might be one there. THERE WAS. Lance laughed. I didn't.

OUR LEADER

Clark is special. He is the head of the Baseball Office. Which means he has to get the Baseball Office to do stuff, like work. So, he does. He's incredibly efficient.

Now, that I gave him a compliment, I would like to explain Clark.

We are driving Martel, a Baseball Office guy, to the bus station. Clark wants to do a good deed and give Martel a parting gift. This parting gift happens to be a free something from Sonic. All of us except Martel know that Clark wants to go to Sonic. The bus station is 2 minutes from Sonic.

The conversation goes something like this...

Clark: "Hey, Martel. All the guys were just talking about our favorite ice-cream flavor." Now, this comment seems harmless, but we had definitely NOT talked about our favorite ice-cream flavor. Everyone was looking very puzzled. This threw Martel AND Clark off.

Clark: "What's your favorite ice-cream flavor?" Clark is trying to get Martel to say something that Clark would get for Martel at Sonic.

Martel: "Rainbow Sherbert." Clark starts to sweat. He doesn't know what to do or say.

Clark: "So, Let's say we were to go to Sonic, NOT THAT WE'RE GONNA GO OR ANYTHING! What would you get then?" By then, the entire van erupts into belly-laughter.

By then, Martel has figured out the conspiracy Clark was hiding.

Here's one more for ya...

The hardest working person on the face of the earth...is......Chris. This guy works all the time.

Anyway, he had just been up for about 36 hours. He was on his way to bed. He gets all the way down to the cabin. He's about to get into bed, when...Clark.

Clark: "Hey, Chris, you busy?" Ok. That's not an intelligent question.

Chris: "Uh, no." Being the nice guy he is.

Clark: "Can you clean the sinks and toilets?...Thanks." And he leaves.

WOW.

I hope he doesn't wake me up tomorrow.

"I didn't give her a look, I just looked at her." Clark

MY VOLLEYBALL FRIEND

Mackenzie (Kenny) is a really good volleyball player. Taught me how to set, in beach volleyball, it's a little harder to get a good foot plant than on court.

There are really huge rocks on the court, so our knees get banged up pretty bad.

I like volleyball. I have played almost every Saturday from August to May. I was pretty good. Then, I came here and Kenny and Jane knew how to play, so we did.

Kenny said we were a good team because we had "communication". I guess that means when she yells at me, I listen.

We're up by ten. I hit a ball a "little" too far. Their point.

Kenny - "THAT WAS YOUR STINKIN' FAULT. YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH THE WORST VOLLEYBALL PLAYER I HAVE EVER SEEN!"

Me- "Sorry". Then, we beat the other team by 90 pts.

Kenny - "You take it personally."

She really isn't like that. She is competative, though.

"I'm going to the bank...parkin lot...trying to get some monay!" - Clark (trying to freestyle)

So, my "boss" is pretty much the most awesome person on the planet!

Correction

This is how he corrects people.

Let's say, I walk into the back part of the kitchen (I am not supposed to be there).
Dave finds out.

Dave - (amazingly authentic) "Hey, are we alowd in the back of the kitchen?"
Me - "No, not really."
Dave - "Then, let's fix it, ok?"
Me - "No prob, Dave." And, I don't go back there again. Hmmm. It just seems to work.

I come back late from a 2-4, (Day-off).

Me - (He doesn't even notice I'm late). "Hey, Dave. I'm sorry for coming back late for my 2-4. It was my fault everyone else was late."
Dave - (concerned) "What happened?"
Me - "I was hungry."
Dave - (Laughs) "I haven't ever heard that one. Oh, well. Hey, a 22 (two hours off my next 24) next time, ok?" (Like it was up to me.)
Me - "Sure." It's better than having $25 taken off my paycheck.

Saying all of this, I have this rant.

ESTIMATION

So, yesterday, Dave estimates, "Hey, I need you to unload a "CLOSET" (emphasis added). The airconditioner needs to be worked on, and the repair-man needs to get to it. He tells Chuck this. Chuck looks for any reason to do something other than what he is doing at the time.

Chuck says, "Ryan, you want to go?"
I say, "Yep."
Chris Coolie ends up coming because he's cool like that. (I forgot to pick him up today. REALLY sorry Chris)

We get to the place, and we open the door to this "CLOSET". It's about 80' by 90' warehouse. Wal-mart has a smaller warehouse. Ok, a little exaggeration, but it was a stinkin HUGE closet.

Oh, yeah. Dave calls and says that he wants ALL the towels that are in this "CLOSET". EVERY THIRD BOX is NOT a box of towels. And guess what, these boxes are not the "strongest" boxes in the world. Every single box breaks, or the bottom falls out. So, we have 4,000 towels, all over the place.

We, finally, get all the towels into the mini-van. So, there are so many towels that I can barely fit into the back of the van. There is no middle seat. There is the two bucket seats in the front and the very back seat. The rest is packed with towels. So, we go to Dave's house to unload all these towels.

At Dave's, since there is no order anyway, we end up having to throw the towels into the garage so we can get them out of the van. Chuck, unfortunatly, gets into the way of Chris and my fire. He gets barraged with towels. We end up burrying him in towels.

Dave now has a mound of towels in his garage.

Thanks Dave!

Do you know what this is? This is sand! - Sam K.

Rybo

Yeah, I am pretty good at predicting things, especially when it comes to numbers. I remember when I was about 15 and my dad was driving home, he would ask me about what time we would get home. I would guess, then, he would guess. LOL. I didn't realize that he knew how far it was to the house from where we were! But, the funny thing is, I always won!

Then, we went to Wal-Mart. we got a basket full of stuff. My dad asks me, "How much do you think this will cost?"

On queue, I said, "$130." He said, "No, about $180." It was 132.?? (Oh, and I remember numbers, too.)


I realized, recently, why I can remember numbers so well. When, I was younger, I read like crazy. I didn't have a bookmark. I don't like to doggy-ear books, so I would remember the page number. And this would be over long periods of time. So, I developed a memory for numbers.

Well, it turns out that I am a really good NCAA football game predictor. I predicted Notre Dame's loss to USC, and I predicted USC's loss to TEXAS!



So, when it comes to prediciting something as important as how cool someone is. Like a friend who won't be named, Jason B., I told him, "Man, you're awesome. I give you 2 weeks before you know. Well, I was right.

Where's Bobby?

Rybo

Dave Janke (pronounced Yank)

So, my "boss" is pretty much the most awesome person on the planet!

Correction

This is how he corrects people.

Let's say, I walk into the back part of the kitchen (I am not supposed to be there).
Dave finds out.

Dave - (amazingly authentic) "Hey, are we alowd in the back of the kitchen?"
Me - "No, not really."
Dave - "Then, let's fix it, ok?"
Me - "No prob, Dave." And, I don't go back there again. Hmmm. It just seems to work.

I come back late from a 2-4, (Day-off).

Me - (He doesn't even notice I'm late). "Hey, Dave. I'm sorry for coming back late for my 2-4. It was my fault everyone else was late."
Dave - (concerned) "What happened?"
Me - "I was hungry."
Dave - (Laughs) "I haven't ever heard that one. Oh, well. Hey, a 22 (two hours off my next 24) next time, ok?" (Like it was up to me.)
Me - "Sure." It's better than having $25 taken off my paycheck.

Saying all of this, I have this rant.

ESTIMATION

So, yesterday, Dave estimates, "Hey, I need you to unload a "CLOSET" (emphasis added). The airconditioner needs to be worked on, and the repair-man needs to get to it. He tells Chuck this. Chuck looks for any reason to do something other than what he is doing at the time.

Chuck says, "Ryan, you want to go?"
I say, "Yep."
Chris Coolie ends up coming because he's cool like that. (I forgot to pick him up today. REALLY sorry Chris)

We get to the place, and we open the door to this "CLOSET". It's about 80' by 90' warehouse. Wal-mart has a smaller warehouse. Ok, a little exaggeration, but it was a stinkin HUGE closet.

Oh, yeah. Dave calls and says that he wants ALL the towels that are in this "CLOSET". EVERY THIRD BOX is NOT a box of towels. And guess what, these boxes are not the "strongest" boxes in the world. Every single box breaks, or the bottom falls out. So, we have 4,000 towels, all over the place.

We, finally, get all the towels into the mini-van. So, there are so many towels that I can barely fit into the back of the van. There is no middle seat. There is the two bucket seats in the front and the very back seat. The rest is packed with towels. So, we go to Dave's house to unload all these towels.

At Dave's, since there is no order anyway, we end up having to throw the towels into the garage so we can get them out of the van. Chuck, unfortunatly, gets into the way of Chris and my fire. He gets barraged with towels. We end up burrying him in towels.

Dave now has a mound of towels in his garage.

Thanks Dave!

Do you know what this is? This is sand! - Sam K.

Rybo

14 Days

Yeah, I am pretty good at predicting things, especially when it comes to numbers. I remember when I was about 15 and my dad was driving home, he would ask me about what time we would get home. I would guess, then, he would guess. LOL. I didn't realize that he knew how far it was to the house from where we were! But, the funny thing is, I always won!

Then, we went to Wal-Mart. we got a basket full of stuff. My dad asks me, "How much do you think this will cost?"

On queue, I said, "$130." He said, "No, about $180." It was 132.?? (Oh, and I remember numbers, too.)

I realized, recently, why I can remember numbers so well. When, I was younger, I read like crazy. I didn't have a bookmark. I don't like to doggy-ear books, so I would remember the page number. And this would be over long periods of time. So, I developed a memory for numbers.

Well, it turns out that I am a really good NCAA football game predictor. I predicted Notre Dame's loss to USC, and I predicted USC's loss to TEXAS!

So, when it comes to prediciting something as important as how cool someone is. Like a friend who won't be named, Jason B., I told him, "Man, you're awesome. I give you 2 weeks before you know. Well, I was right.

Where's Bobby?

Rybo

CHUCK

I met a guy at kamp named Chuck. I'll start by talking about his driving skills as a human being. He can make better turns than Darth Vader! This dude, while we are going to Fayetteville AR, took TURNS at 90. And we barely left kamp! I know this little hill right outside the kamp, we got OFF the ground! Yeah, it was fun.

Then, he does have a sense of humor. Like, bring someone with us on a 2-4 (day off) and have them sing, THE WHOLE WAY TO AR. I am just glad it only takes him an hour, (it's really supposed to take 1 1/2 hours. He says he has good brakes.

Anyway, we take walks at night. A lot. Why, do we take walks down an unlit street with nobody knowing we are gone? BECAUSE WE ARE IN THE STINKIN BOONDOCKS OF MISSOURI. Or so I thought.

One night, we start walking you know, "to the stop sign" ( the default place to walk to). Another funny thing is, it's THE stop sign.

So, we decide to play a joke on our government. I call Chuck. The phone call goes something like this.

Ring Ring.

Chuck- (in a "Taliban" accent) "Taliban."
Ryan-(in a russian accent) "Hello. I need 200 tons of uranium and a stick of gum."
Chuck - Oh 200. We see what we can do. What you need for?
Ryan-I am going to blow up "Sub-shop" (a little restaraun in Golden, MO). They sell to non Talibanese.
Chuck- One week for your prize. I will tell the president to surrender the country or his little "sub-sandwich place" will be NO MORE! HAHAH"

Then we both laugh. We start to discuss about how our government probably has snipers and marines in the fields next to us. How we can't see them and they are right behind and around us. Then, we start to discuss UFOs and how it's either our government or a little alien race found in common "colli" flower. (the "colli" in colliflower is for "colo"ny.)

Anyway, we're walking and we stop by a field that we know there are horses in. So, I kinda have a gift when it comes to animals. They either like me or they don't. There's no grey area. But usually they like me. So, I call the horses, and they come. But one came that I wasn't expecting. THE KILLER HORSE FROM DOWN BELOW US WHERE THEY MAKE REALLY MEAN AND MAD HORSES THAT KILL LITTLE BOYS THAT WONDER OFF FROM THEIR HOMES AND CALL HORSES TO COME OVER AND EAT THE GRASS THEY PICK FROM THE SIDE OF THE ROAD! He came, also, except he didn't neigh, or whatever horses do. He like hissed and grunted and burped at the samed time. Yeah, it sounds funny now. But when you can't see the horse, and he sounds like he is right behind you, yeah, laugh then.

So, we gently start to mozy toward kamp. When, I mean "gently" and "mozy", I mean "scream" and "sprint", but neither one of us can run fast or yell loud enough for anyone else to hear. So, the horse is obviously not chasing us so we stop for a second to catch our breath. We only got about 50 feet, because we are not in shape. But, the horse didn't get us!

Now you're thinking, wow that's a story! But THERE'S MORE! Yeah, in a story that you thought nothing could possibly be worse, oh yeah, it gets worse.

We, you know, are walking back to kamp, when we look up into the sky toward kamp. There in the sky is a "light" that's slowly moving. I know what you're thinking, helicopter. But it was making no noise, whatsoever. Then, it STOPS, and moves backward. Then, it shines a spot light down toward the ground! I know this sounds funny but it really happened. So, we're totally freaked. I mean, we almost got killed by a killer horse, the we get ubducted by "colli" flower aliens, (for this reference, check Kennethtaylor.blogspot.com under arguements). I told yall they went after D-wayne. I am in the Ozarks. So, it goes back and forth shining its spotlight around like it owns the place. Then, all of a suddent, it dissapears.

So, we decide that the growling sound was a horse and the light was a suped-up helicopter. We tried to tell people, but people are unbelieving.

Rybo

I do a lot with Lance Dunn


He spent a week at my house...WAHOO! That was fun! It kind of flew like a breeze, cause time flies when your having fun! Mostly what we did was make fun of Lance and my dog. But, he ended up being ok...he didn't die.

I had a great time...I remember, one night, when I was going to sleep I heard this constant beep...I thought it was constant. Anyway, I would just hear it and hear it. It turned out he was getting a whole bunch of text messages at 1 in the morning. LOL. The reason it's funny is that phone calls are free after 9pm, why would you text. LOL.


I cooked, I think. I don't remember because I haven't taken my "stay alive" medications, (i.e. Dr. Pepper, Snickers, Lattes). I just want to say that Lance made my time really AWESOME!

Thanx Lance!

WHATABURGER~!!!

Last Time I went to Whataburger, Reepicheepette (my car) broke. This time was a bit more fun!

Lance, Ken, Matt and I walked in. There was no one behind the counter. So, we waited and looked around to decide what we would have. After about five minutes we knew what we wanted.

We waited for someone to come and take our order. Some people were just making noise in the back. Lance started making noise, like: GRR! and HMMPR!...no one noticed. Ken said that we might need to leave and come back. So, we walked outside and looked around. No one was there. We looked at the door as I ripped the door open and rushed in making much noise...no one noticed.

About two minutes later some "Whataburger" workers walked in from outside. The walked right passed us into the back, NOT LOOKING AT US. MAKING NO COMMENT AT ALL! Lance coughed, Ken sayed, "WOW!". Lance walked up to the register and pushed some buttons. It started to beep in two second intervals. Lance quickly moved away from the register. I, on the other hand, did not move from my position immediatly adjacent to the same register. As the noise continued, no worker took notice. As I was looking into the back, some women were having a goodtime apparently talking about a co-worker. They would glance in our direction and look away again, not caring that we were STINKIN HUNGRY!

Ken walks over to them and says, (Rather Loudly) "CAN WE GET SOME SERVICE?!?!"

A woman says, "OH YEAH!, I didn't see yall there...Did I p*** yall off?" My thing is if she didn's know we were there a long time, how did she know we were there and that we should be angry? SHE KNEW.

By this time, the rest of the crew came in. We ordered and proceeded to sit down. We picked a particular table that was conspicuously too small for our large group. My subconscience did this because I did not want to sit with Kara, a person that came. She, however, got her food before some other people and came over and asked, "Is this seat taken?"

I said, "Heck yes it is. I don't want to sit with you anyway."
She got angry and sat across the restaurant. Dan sat with her away from everyone. I didn't want to sit with him either. Everyone else came and sat at the table I was sitting at. That made me happy.

Lane, thinking that he is actually Wolverine and not that he would like to be if he were a mutant, continually claims that he is Wolverine and how alike their characters are. He also claims that he is the FIRST person EVER to want to be Wolverine. ---I was thinking that since "Wolverine" was "invented" in the 60's and Lane is no more than 20 years old, that somebody else must have worshiped Wolverine before Lane did. What do I know?

Lane started talking about my momma. Saying she was fat and ugly and stupid. Well, I punched him in the stomach, called him ugly and said "You can't read good!". He still kept telling me how bad my mom was. I said, "You should tell my mom that." Paying no attention, he continued. THEN, I started.

Lane - Your momma's so stupid she can't speak well.
Me - ...stupid she sat on the TV to watch the couch.
Lane -...elephantine she's grey.
Me - ...elephantine, when I told her to clean out her trunk, she blew her nose.
Lane - ...canine, she has canine teeth.
Me - ...canine, she has fleas.

I won, HANDS DOWN!

LonDunn is the Manning

Sok, I went to London. It's pretty much one of the coolest places on the planet. Why? Because it's foreign and everyone speaks really cool English!

We exit the plane and you are greeted by British people everywhere. We split up into groups because we have sometime to spend. I walk around with Lane Trahan. We start looking for a cup of coffee, when we notic a little cigarette selling place. Now, normally this wouldn't be interesting, BUT today is no ordinary day. On each and EVERY box of cigarettes is the slogan, written in very large letters:

SMOKING KILLS

also

SMOKING SERIOUSLY HARMS YOU AS WELL AS PEOPLE AROUND YOU


There is no small surgeon general's warning.

So, this is somewhat comical.

As I said before, I need coffee.

We head upstairs. There is a Starbucks. I decide I would try and get an Alyce's Aulait. Lambda Omicron Lambda.

We get to the line and it's a big one. Lane notices that there is a man that has a rat on his mouth...oh wait! It's a moustache! So, this man has a seriously large moustache. We laugh loudly at this man. We forgot that England speaks english. After he gets his drink, he walks by and hits my booksack as he walks by. The man is smaller than I am, and that's small. We laugh and I step to order.

Me - "Hey, this is going to be quite difficult. So, pay attention. Ok?"
Him - "Yuh met." The guy speaks with a British Accent, AND has braces.
Me - "I want an Aulait."
Him - "A mowka?" I can't really understand him.
Me - "No. An OH-LAY! You know half milk, half coffee."
Him - "Oh, a smfoakjf?"
Me - "Yeah, ok. But the milk I want half and half. "
Him - "Helf end Helf whet?" Half and Half what? This guy stinking works at startbucks.
Me - "And I would like 1 pump vanilla and 1 pump hazelnut and 2 pumps white mocha."
Him - "Vanilla, strawberry and Mocha. Ok." He writes the order down on a cup and passes it to the other barista.

The coffee stinks.

It cost me $74.309998 cents. The Euro is killer!

Then, we decide to go to the bathroom. As we go to the bathroom, outside the actual stalls is a great big can labled:

RUBISH

LOL

That's what english people call trash. Rubish. LOL.

After making the phonecall we go downstairs to sit. We walk passed a baby, we hear, "Goo Goo, Ga Ga." This wouldn't be interesting at all except it was WITH a british accent. They learn young. We sit down and we are talking. Then, Luke and David come sit by us. We talk and I realize that I need a voltage converter. Lane and I run to the store to get it, but they do not have one.

We realize that Lane has forgotten his camera at the seat. We rush back, but it is gone.

Later, we are getting on the plane, and we find out that Luke picked the camera up, but left it at a sushi bar. LOL.

I'm leaving on a Jet-Plane

I like to fly. Except when you have to spend most of your life on a plane. I spent 8 hours on a plane from Atlanta to LonDunn (Lance Reference). That's 1 hour less than last year...still too long.

We are seated from left to right:

Alyce
Lane
David
Luke
Stephanie
me

or something to that effect.

We get on the plane and start the voyage. The best thing on the planet ever happened to us. They played a station with continuous Enya music. WOW!!!!!

Enya, also, spoke about her new CD. ("I'm in Heaven", music please). That was the quickest 8 hours of my life.

They played "King Kong". If you haven't seen the movie...don't. They cut out a lot of part, as told by David...I didn't watch it.

I read Harry Potter, "The Order of the Phoenix". AWESOME!!! read it if you...no read it!

I just wanted to blog about Enya! sorry.

Quote - Mercy Priest "Why is everything so white?"
Jon Zeigler "It's old."

Airport Antidotes

When I leave the country, I like to take dangerous weapons with me so that I can be stopped at the check-in by a guard.

Last year, I went to Greece. I forgot I had a 4.5 inch buck-knife in my baggage. The person checking me thought it would be a bad thing that I would bring that aboard. I haven't seen the knife since.

This year, like last year, I packed the day after finals. Rushing to pack is where things get awry. This year I forgot that I packed a hole-puncher.

Why did you pack a hole-puncher? - you ask.