Ryan Bourque

2006-10-24T20:20:00.001-07:00

Paintball: Menace to Society

I like to paintball. I don't mind pain all that much either. I, however, loathe unnecessary roughness.

Real paintball is nowhere near unnecessary.

We leave Friday night. Josh Manning, Felipe and I get into my Jeep. Of course, Josh must make a big deal out of riding with me.

"Do I want to get there safe, or have an adventure?" He asked himself loud enough for all of us to hear. Lance and Chris laugh as they get into Chris' truck. I walked away, laughing. I know he needs to ride with me. He needs it like cocaine.

"Yall follow us to my house," said Chris.

Felipe is a great guy. I love him like a brother, however, sometimes he is slow in doing things. He hasn't packed yet, and we are fixing to leave. So, as he goes upstairs to pack, Chris' loud truck zooms away, leaving us ignorant of where he lives. I have no idea where he lives. Neither does Josh know where he lives.

In 10 minutes, Felipe comes down and we set off. I'm hungry so I say, "Whatever!" and go to Taco Bell. We are in the DriveThru, when we realize that Chris and Lance are waiting for us to meet them at Chris'. Josh calls them.

"Hey guys, where's Chris' house? No, we're by Lafayette General (That's nowhere near his appartment). You live on University? Ok, um, meet us at Taco Bell." He hangs up and laughs. So do we. As I get my food we pull around the side. Chris' truck is there so I pull up on the passenger side and roll down my window. Lance is in the passenger side, so he rolls down his window too. I start to eat my Chalupa when they realize we weren't ever at Lafayette General.

An hour later, we are 7 miles north of Laf, riding through the back woods because Chris doesn't know where he is. We pull into this picturesque plantation home and driveway. I think, "Man. We're gonna be campin' in style!" As we pull around back, I notice this "shed". It has wooden siding that is falling off, and chipped. The front porch is unlevel. There is only a screen door that is the front door.

We step out of the vehicle and are bombarded with a bloodthirsty St. Bernard who isn't so bloodthirsty, but don't tell Lance that. The first human we see has an unkempt beard, no shirt or shoes and is carrying a gun.

Try and imagine the deepest, most raspy voice possible.
"Hey! We're gonna play some paintball!"

Josh Manning at this point thought to himself, "I am not playing paintball."

He is yelling. "Al'right. Y'all come on this way, and I'll show ya where we'll be startin'." He leads us to this gate with goats behind it. "Yeah! Goats are gonna be in here, try not to shoot 'em! The attackers are gonna start here, for the first game, after that we are gonna do somethin' different, so it won't matter then." May I remind you that we are in the woods at 10 pm, so it is pitch black. "So, we're gonna split up teams and make sure yall are ok tomorrow, me and Tim are gonna plan teams tonight!" We are walking through the woods. The only people that have lights are Tim and Chris. He is ahead of everyone. "You see that orange light over there...that's where the defenders are gonna be. Now, the attackers are gonna come and attack us, so we'll be defendin'. And you gotta be fast and get us. Watch out for that spider web." He points but there is no light. Chris points his flashlight into the darkness in the direction Aaron (no-shirt dude) was gesturing. Sure enough, there was a big spider web. "Yeah! We have a lot of Banana spiders here, so watch out!" He chuckles. We're gonna get up at 5 AM! YEAH! and were gonna come out here and do an attack match!" He leads us away from the house, deeper into the woods. "Let me show ya where we'll be playin' next! It's a little far from the house!" Tim doesn't even know where it is and he lives there.

After all this commotion, we go back to the house. Lance and Josh watch 24 ALL NIGHT LONG. Tim, Aaron and I stay up doing geek stuff, like looking at Tim's collection of LOTR memorabelia. We stay up till 2.

At 5 AM, I wake up to...

"ALL RIGHT! IT'S TIME TO PLAY SOME PAINTBALL!" I am located on the door side of Tim's bed. Aaron is located on the other side. I hear a few bumps then feel him run over my body as he goes to the light and turns it on. "GET YOUR GEAR AND LETS RUMBLE! WAHOO!" I'm pretty scared at this point.

"ALLRIGHT!" Aaron says. "Here, Ryan. You'll be on our team. You'll need some camouflage paint for your hands, and we can get you some cammo for your gun and your body!"

He had a full cammo suit, with a cammo cloth over his face to conceal his helmet. He had his gun totally cammouflaged with cloth and a leather concealer for his SCOPE!

We get out there and it is pitch black. Josh and Lance are watching 24. The rest of us go out to our respective places...assigned by Aaron.

An hour later, our masks start to unfog, and we can see past our feet. My legs are cramping because I've been crouching for so long. I am right next to Aaron. The difference is that Aaron is laying under palmettos. I can't really tell he's there, and I'm 2 feet from the guy. He hasn't moved in 45 minutes.

I talked to him later, and at this point, he was debating whether or not to urinate on himself because he didn't want to give away his position. ROTFLOL!

Another guy is there, Josh. NOT MANNING! He is kinda quiet. He is standing in the middle of an open area yelling and shooting into space...to give away his position. We haven't seen action in an hour.

Long story shorter than if I told the whole thing, I get a headshot on Chris.

Long story short,

The last battle of the day:

I am all alone behind a tree. There are three of them, and one of me. Josh is on the other team. He runs at me full speed shooting. He hits me from 7 feet away.

It hurts so bad, I CAN'T SCREAM! All three of them get me! But the seven footer hurt for days!

Quote: "You wanna cook for me the rest of my life?" Ryan Hutchinson proposal to make his girlfriend his fiance?

2006-09-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

WAL-MART AGAIN???

Why does Wal-Mart always mean trouble? I'll probably never know.

Ken, Lance and I go to Wal-Mart. Why? We need to buy useless junk.

Ken rides in my back seat. Whenever he does ride in my back seat, he always seems to find stuff no one else can find. This time, he found my "Tweety Bird" pajamas.

"Why do you have Tweety Bird pajamas?" He laughs histerically.

I start to hit him, while driving. I stay on the road.

"No, seriously. Why do you have Tweety Bird pajamas?"
"Who wants a ride home from Wal-mart?" I ask, letting him know that he'll need to find one, cause I ain't bringin him home. Yeah, right.

We go to Wal-mart. I conspire with Lance to split up as soon as possible. Ken sees us talking, and inquires. We don't tell him, but he knows.

We successfully get away from him. We do our shopping and leave the store. Ken knows we left him, and also knows we didn't leave the parking lot.

Lance and I go to the car and move it.
15 minutes later, Lance and I are still waiting for him to come out the store.
We call him.

Me - "We left already, so find yourself a ride home."
Ken - "Ok. Bye."
Click.

My phone - Ring Ring.
It's Ken.
Me - "Hello"
Ken - "Do you know where I can find the Relish?"
Me - "Yeah, by the pickles."
Ken - "Thanx"
Click.

...
...
...

10 minutes later.

Me - "Hey Ken."
Ken - "Yeah?"
Me - "I felt bad about leaving you. I'm coming back in 5 minutes. Be outside."
Ken - "Ok."
Me - "Where are you?"
Ken - "The magazines."

JERK! He knew I was bluffing. He was wasting my stinkin time.

I was played.

2006-09-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

So, when I was younger, I liked a show called, "Mr. Bean". I liked it so much that my cousin started calling me "Bean".
Long story short, my mom got me a stuffed animal for my birthday, "Teddy".
Teddy is Mr. Bean's stuffed animal.

Here he wanted to drive.

Well, I was excited.

1. Because I had liked Teddy from my youth.
2. Cause a stinkin stuffed bear is awesome!

He was hungry after a long day's work.

He's been going around with me everywhere. See if you can meet him. He's cool.

2006-09-18T07:21:00.000-07:00

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Discretion Advised! Don't read if your squemish! There are NO PICTURES, though.

Everyone gets hungry. If you dont you die. Because you don't eat.

I eat a lot. I like to eat. Eating is fun. Eating is enjoyable. Well, after you eat, everyone knows what happens. Some people take offense to this. Why? Everyone on the planet does this. I am talking about defication.

Well, I came up with a kind of "code" if you will, to discuss this when mixed company is around. We use the symbology of a phone...

"Phone call" = #2
"Text Message" = #1
"Phone ringing" = flatulence
"Phone booth" = bathroom
"Adding Minutes" = eating

Ive been using it so much now, that some of my friends use it also. Including, James, Lance, John Ward, and Ken Taylor. You know who your friends are when they start taking your little weird things and embrace it instead of rejecting. LOL. Yep. That's a friend.

Well, I've discussed this because I don't know how to tell you about what happen to me on the night of Sept 2, 2006. I walked into Stokes Hall B. That's where I live. It usually stinks. It usually smells like a dirty bathroom. My room doesn't, but the hall does. So, when I walk in, and the smell is a little unusually strong, I don't pay that much attention. But it is UNUSUALLY strong. I go into my room, thankful to leave the soup of air. I do have to "text message" so I walk into the bathroom.

LO' and BEHOLD! This was no ordinary phone call. This was "Defcon 5", this was "Mr. President, the whole world just declared war on us!", this was "Mr. President, all of our nukes accidently went off and now the world is going to suffer Nuclear winter. 98 percent of all people will die." This was "Ryan, I am taking your car because you drive like a grandpa" this was serious.

What I am talking about is fecal matter around 2" in diameter and 18" - 20" in length. I almost threw up. It was the largest thing I have ever seen.

DON'T HERE IFYOU DON'T WANT TO SEE IT!!!
http://i101.photobucket.com/albums/m75/Rybotech/DSCF3498.jpg

It was so large, I couldn't flush it. When I tried water would just roll over it and flow down the toilet. It wasn't only large, it was dense too.

I am disgusted just talking about it.

So, as I go to the urinal, my suite mate comes by. I am kinda weired out already, and the guy starts to talk to me. I'm like, "DUDE, bathroom etiquette! Don't talk to me now!" He goes to his room.

I walk to his room, "What's up? Did you see that thing in there?"
He nods shyly. OH NO!
"You did it didn't you?" I ask him.
He nods.
I laugh uncontrollably...until I realize that he's not much bigger than I am.
"How?" I ask him.
He chuckles. "I don't know."
"How long did it take you?"
"A day."

Sorry, for the graphicness but I think it was worth the experience. I also, think I should send it in to Guiness world book of records.

2006-09-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

Sunday started as my friends and I went to church. I love Pastor Tommy. He's got such a big heart. Sometimes, I can't follow. It's probably my fault since I am pretty easily distracted.
I leave to go home, (Abbeville), and wash my car. Yeah, that's gonna happen.

I come back because Lance wanted to watch a movie. We watched "Annapolis".

It was ok. It was much better than, "Surrender, Dorothy." Which is pretty much the worst movie ever.

DON'T WATCH IT.

Then, we decide as a group, Philipe:Molly:Josh:Lance:Me to go eat somewhere. Where should we go? we ask. Mel's Diner.

We pack into "Reepacheepette", my jeep, and drive on over. As we get into my vehicle, Josh says, "Another adventure in Ryan's car."
"What does that mean?" ask I, knowing that he is talking about my driving skills.
"Oh, nothing. Just that I thank God everytime I exit your vehicle...thankful I'm alive."
I head on over to Mel's. Everyone is pretty frightened by the time we get there...it's only 2 miles down the road. I'm pretty much aggrevated because everyone exept Lance was freaking out. That's lame, because I drive like a grandpa. A good grandpa, in that I go slow.
"It's not your speed," says Josh, "It's your total obliviousness to EVERYTHING around you."
Little does he realize that the world does, in fact, NOT operate like Josh Manning. I do know what's going on around me. Just ask Lance.
So, as we get there...It's stinkin packed. There is nowhere to sit.
Josh runs out screaming,"NOOO! No seats." He hangs his head.
Molly says,"Let's go to IHOP." Everyone agrees except me. Gas is stinkin $933,459,384,332,112,355.34 &9/10 per gallon. Josh offers to pay for my coffee, he's making money now you know. So, I say ok. We drive over there, all the time everyone but Lance is screaming for their lives and saying how bad I drive, while they ALWAYS stinkin get there safe. Ridiculous.
We get to IHOP...guess what. It's dark. So, Lance and I exit the vehicle, little did we know, Philipe did too.
Josh says, "It's closed, guys."
We get up to the door and pull. It won't open. IHOP is supposed to be 24 hours. We knock, and noone answers. We read the sign that says, Sunday & Monday 6am-10pm.
"It's lying." I say. We knock again. Nothing happens.

We get back into the car, and as we are deciding where to go, I take the parking break off and let the car slowly roll backward. Everyone suspects that I have NO idea whats going on, and this furthers there conclusion that I am the worst driver on the planet.
We are discussion between Mel's Diner in Broussard or Waffle House. Lance says, "Mel's Diner in Broussard is too far. Let's go to Waffle House."
So, we go to waffle house on the northside. It takes us a little while to find it.
We're driving north on I49 and Waffle House is on our left. So, we can't just get over. Philpe Lance and Josh AND I see the no left turn sign. So, they all tell me not to turn left.............so I dont. So, it ended up I need to turn left because it was on the left of me. Well, I take three rights, which make a left, but this adds fuel to the flame that I cant drive.
So, I pull into the Waffle house on the North Side. It's pretty packed, but not too bad. We walked in and wait for a table big enough for all of us. I look around and see booths with just 2 people in them, and the waitresses and waitor running around. We wait about 10 minutes and then a table opens up. We all walk over and sit down, looking at menus.
All I want is a decaf coffee, so I just sit and harrass Josh. Well, 15 minutes later and with much frustration about not getting waited on, the waitor comes over and says, "I am sorry. Our cook walked out and we can't serve anyone else."
Josh looks at him and says, "Wow. Glad we are here then. I'll have a hungry man's breakfast, an orange juice and a pecan pie."
The man looks at him with bewilderment. Then, turns and walks away.
A cop comes through the front door. "Everybody who hasn't ordered yet, get out." Josh looks at me and passes gas.
We walk out to the car and get in.
"Where do you want to go now Lance?" I am giving him a hard time because he didn't want to go to Mel's.
"There's one close on I10." says Lance.
"I stinkin 10? Yeah, In Baton Rouge!" I say.
"No, there's one close." So, we drive...and drive...and drive...to Breaux Bridge.
"This is a lot closer than Mel's in Broussard." Josh adds.
We pull in and look. Seems normal. We walk in and wait for a table to be free. We stand around like guys do at a school dance, because he doesn't want to ask the girsl. Except this time, there were no girls to ask. So, we just stood there.
Finally, this girl, kinda skinny, wipes off the table and we sit down. We pretty much know what we want because we did this 15 minutes ago. We all order. I get a decaff coffee. We start to talk and things, about how all the people from the north side are going to come here, and such and such. Then, these guys, definitely from the northside, because we recognized them, come in. They start playing music VERY loud on their phone. The waitress get mad. The waitress comes over to take our order and I say, "Do you have a cook tonight?"
"Yes," she smiles. CLICK! 37 for the day. She's definitely hitting on me.
So, we order, and by this time I am done with my cup, so I order a new one. She says, "The pot is out, do you want me to make you another pot?" CLICK! 38 for the day.
"Sure!" I say. Her name is Louvillon, which is definitely cajun. I like cajun girls. But she kinda looks like she's on crack. So, I keep my suave back for the moment.
Then, whenever the loud boys leave, Molly gets scared that they are going to come back and shoot the joint. She, play acting as it's really happening, tries to get under the table.

We laugh.

"Yeah?" Molly says. "I bet the water comes from the waitress' toilet."
"If that's true, " says Philipe, "then Ryan's coffee is number 2."
We laugh for about 2 hours.
2 hours, and 5 refills later, we are about to leave, and I'm about to get her number.
She comes running and jumping from the back of the restaurant. "SMOKE BREAK, WAHOO!" She starts doing cartwheels and jumping jacks and she gets on a table and backflips off.
"Houson, we have a problem." I say. I don't like smoking and I definitely don't like it when someone gets that excited over smoking.
We find out she does smoke crack. How, she starts talking to the police officer behind us and says, "Yeah, Johnny quit sellin. I am gonna have to get another seller." WOW.

She was offly good friends with the Police though.

We leave again, and go to University, because I thought there might be one there. THERE WAS. Lance laughed. I didn't.

2006-09-18T07:14:00.000-07:00

OUR LEADER

Clark is special. He is the head of the Baseball Office. Which means he has to get the Baseball Office to do stuff, like work. So, he does. He's incredibly efficient.

Now, that I gave him a compliment, I would like to explain Clark.

We are driving Martel, a Baseball Office guy, to the bus station. Clark wants to do a good deed and give Martel a parting gift. This parting gift happens to be a free something from Sonic. All of us except Martel know that Clark wants to go to Sonic. The bus station is 2 minutes from Sonic.

The conversation goes something like this...

Clark: "Hey, Martel. All the guys were just talking about our favorite ice-cream flavor." Now, this comment seems harmless, but we had definitely NOT talked about our favorite ice-cream flavor. Everyone was looking very puzzled. This threw Martel AND Clark off.

Clark: "What's your favorite ice-cream flavor?" Clark is trying to get Martel to say something that Clark would get for Martel at Sonic.

Martel: "Rainbow Sherbert." Clark starts to sweat. He doesn't know what to do or say.

Clark: "So, Let's say we were to go to Sonic, NOT THAT WE'RE GONNA GO OR ANYTHING! What would you get then?" By then, the entire van erupts into belly-laughter.

By then, Martel has figured out the conspiracy Clark was hiding.

Here's one more for ya...

The hardest working person on the face of the earth...is......Chris. This guy works all the time.

Anyway, he had just been up for about 36 hours. He was on his way to bed. He gets all the way down to the cabin. He's about to get into bed, when...Clark.

Clark: "Hey, Chris, you busy?" Ok. That's not an intelligent question.

Chris: "Uh, no." Being the nice guy he is.

Clark: "Can you clean the sinks and toilets?...Thanks." And he leaves.

WOW.

I hope he doesn't wake me up tomorrow.

"I didn't give her a look, I just looked at her." Clark

2006-09-18T07:10:00.000-07:00

MY VOLLEYBALL FRIEND

Mackenzie (Kenny) is a really good volleyball player. Taught me how to set, in beach volleyball, it's a little harder to get a good foot plant than on court.

There are really huge rocks on the court, so our knees get banged up pretty bad.

I like volleyball. I have played almost every Saturday from August to May. I was pretty good. Then, I came here and Kenny and Jane knew how to play, so we did.

Kenny said we were a good team because we had "communication". I guess that means when she yells at me, I listen.

We're up by ten. I hit a ball a "little" too far. Their point.

Kenny - "THAT WAS YOUR STINKIN' FAULT. YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH THE WORST VOLLEYBALL PLAYER I HAVE EVER SEEN!"

Me- "Sorry". Then, we beat the other team by 90 pts.

Kenny - "You take it personally."

She really isn't like that. She is competative, though.

"I'm going to the bank...parkin lot...trying to get some monay!" - Clark (trying to freestyle)

2006-09-18T07:08:00.000-07:00

So, my "boss" is pretty much the most awesome person on the planet!

Correction

This is how he corrects people.

Let's say, I walk into the back part of the kitchen (I am not supposed to be there).
Dave finds out.

Dave - (amazingly authentic) "Hey, are we alowd in the back of the kitchen?"
Me - "No, not really."
Dave - "Then, let's fix it, ok?"
Me - "No prob, Dave." And, I don't go back there again. Hmmm. It just seems to work.

I come back late from a 2-4, (Day-off).

Me - (He doesn't even notice I'm late). "Hey, Dave. I'm sorry for coming back late for my 2-4. It was my fault everyone else was late."
Dave - (concerned) "What happened?"
Me - "I was hungry."
Dave - (Laughs) "I haven't ever heard that one. Oh, well. Hey, a 22 (two hours off my next 24) next time, ok?" (Like it was up to me.)
Me - "Sure." It's better than having $25 taken off my paycheck.

Saying all of this, I have this rant.

ESTIMATION

So, yesterday, Dave estimates, "Hey, I need you to unload a "CLOSET" (emphasis added). The airconditioner needs to be worked on, and the repair-man needs to get to it. He tells Chuck this. Chuck looks for any reason to do something other than what he is doing at the time.

Chuck says, "Ryan, you want to go?"
I say, "Yep."
Chris Coolie ends up coming because he's cool like that. (I forgot to pick him up today. REALLY sorry Chris)

We get to the place, and we open the door to this "CLOSET". It's about 80' by 90' warehouse. Wal-mart has a smaller warehouse. Ok, a little exaggeration, but it was a stinkin HUGE closet.

Oh, yeah. Dave calls and says that he wants ALL the towels that are in this "CLOSET". EVERY THIRD BOX is NOT a box of towels. And guess what, these boxes are not the "strongest" boxes in the world. Every single box breaks, or the bottom falls out. So, we have 4,000 towels, all over the place.

We, finally, get all the towels into the mini-van. So, there are so many towels that I can barely fit into the back of the van. There is no middle seat. There is the two bucket seats in the front and the very back seat. The rest is packed with towels. So, we go to Dave's house to unload all these towels.

At Dave's, since there is no order anyway, we end up having to throw the towels into the garage so we can get them out of the van. Chuck, unfortunatly, gets into the way of Chris and my fire. He gets barraged with towels. We end up burrying him in towels.

Dave now has a mound of towels in his garage.

Thanks Dave!

Do you know what this is? This is sand! - Sam K.

Rybo

2006-09-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I am pretty good at predicting things, especially when it comes to numbers. I remember when I was about 15 and my dad was driving home, he would ask me about what time we would get home. I would guess, then, he would guess. LOL. I didn't realize that he knew how far it was to the house from where we were! But, the funny thing is, I always won!

Then, we went to Wal-Mart. we got a basket full of stuff. My dad asks me, "How much do you think this will cost?"

On queue, I said, "$130." He said, "No, about $180." It was 132.?? (Oh, and I remember numbers, too.)

I realized, recently, why I can remember numbers so well. When, I was younger, I read like crazy. I didn't have a bookmark. I don't like to doggy-ear books, so I would remember the page number. And this would be over long periods of time. So, I developed a memory for numbers.

Well, it turns out that I am a really good NCAA football game predictor. I predicted Notre Dame's loss to USC, and I predicted USC's loss to TEXAS!

So, when it comes to prediciting something as important as how cool someone is. Like a friend who won't be named, Jason B., I told him, "Man, you're awesome. I give you 2 weeks before you know. Well, I was right.

Where's Bobby?

Rybo

2006-08-02T22:24:00.000-07:00

Dave Janke (pronounced Yank)

So, my "boss" is pretty much the most awesome person on the planet!

Correction

This is how he corrects people.

Let's say, I walk into the back part of the kitchen (I am not supposed to be there).
Dave finds out.

Dave - (amazingly authentic) "Hey, are we alowd in the back of the kitchen?"
Me - "No, not really."
Dave - "Then, let's fix it, ok?"
Me - "No prob, Dave." And, I don't go back there again. Hmmm. It just seems to work.

I come back late from a 2-4, (Day-off).

Me - (He doesn't even notice I'm late). "Hey, Dave. I'm sorry for coming back late for my 2-4. It was my fault everyone else was late."
Dave - (concerned) "What happened?"
Me - "I was hungry."
Dave - (Laughs) "I haven't ever heard that one. Oh, well. Hey, a 22 (two hours off my next 24) next time, ok?" (Like it was up to me.)
Me - "Sure." It's better than having $25 taken off my paycheck.

Saying all of this, I have this rant.

ESTIMATION

So, yesterday, Dave estimates, "Hey, I need you to unload a "CLOSET" (emphasis added). The airconditioner needs to be worked on, and the repair-man needs to get to it. He tells Chuck this. Chuck looks for any reason to do something other than what he is doing at the time.

Chuck says, "Ryan, you want to go?"
I say, "Yep."
Chris Coolie ends up coming because he's cool like that. (I forgot to pick him up today. REALLY sorry Chris)

We get to the place, and we open the door to this "CLOSET". It's about 80' by 90' warehouse. Wal-mart has a smaller warehouse. Ok, a little exaggeration, but it was a stinkin HUGE closet.

Oh, yeah. Dave calls and says that he wants ALL the towels that are in this "CLOSET". EVERY THIRD BOX is NOT a box of towels. And guess what, these boxes are not the "strongest" boxes in the world. Every single box breaks, or the bottom falls out. So, we have 4,000 towels, all over the place.

We, finally, get all the towels into the mini-van. So, there are so many towels that I can barely fit into the back of the van. There is no middle seat. There is the two bucket seats in the front and the very back seat. The rest is packed with towels. So, we go to Dave's house to unload all these towels.

At Dave's, since there is no order anyway, we end up having to throw the towels into the garage so we can get them out of the van. Chuck, unfortunatly, gets into the way of Chris and my fire. He gets barraged with towels. We end up burrying him in towels.

Dave now has a mound of towels in his garage.

Thanks Dave!

Do you know what this is? This is sand! - Sam K.

Rybo

2006-08-02T22:03:00.000-07:00

14 Days

Yeah, I am pretty good at predicting things, especially when it comes to numbers. I remember when I was about 15 and my dad was driving home, he would ask me about what time we would get home. I would guess, then, he would guess. LOL. I didn't realize that he knew how far it was to the house from where we were! But, the funny thing is, I always won!

Then, we went to Wal-Mart. we got a basket full of stuff. My dad asks me, "How much do you think this will cost?"

On queue, I said, "$130." He said, "No, about $180." It was 132.?? (Oh, and I remember numbers, too.)

I realized, recently, why I can remember numbers so well. When, I was younger, I read like crazy. I didn't have a bookmark. I don't like to doggy-ear books, so I would remember the page number. And this would be over long periods of time. So, I developed a memory for numbers.

Well, it turns out that I am a really good NCAA football game predictor. I predicted Notre Dame's loss to USC, and I predicted USC's loss to TEXAS!

So, when it comes to prediciting something as important as how cool someone is. Like a friend who won't be named, Jason B., I told him, "Man, you're awesome. I give you 2 weeks before you know. Well, I was right.

Where's Bobby?

Rybo

2006-08-01T05:35:00.000-07:00

CHUCK

I met a guy at kamp named Chuck. I'll start by talking about his driving skills as a human being. He can make better turns than Darth Vader! This dude, while we are going to Fayetteville AR, took TURNS at 90. And we barely left kamp! I know this little hill right outside the kamp, we got OFF the ground! Yeah, it was fun.

Then, he does have a sense of humor. Like, bring someone with us on a 2-4 (day off) and have them sing, THE WHOLE WAY TO AR. I am just glad it only takes him an hour, (it's really supposed to take 1 1/2 hours. He says he has good brakes.

Anyway, we take walks at night. A lot. Why, do we take walks down an unlit street with nobody knowing we are gone? BECAUSE WE ARE IN THE STINKIN BOONDOCKS OF MISSOURI. Or so I thought.

One night, we start walking you know, "to the stop sign" ( the default place to walk to). Another funny thing is, it's THE stop sign.

So, we decide to play a joke on our government. I call Chuck. The phone call goes something like this.

Ring Ring.

Chuck- (in a "Taliban" accent) "Taliban."
Ryan-(in a russian accent) "Hello. I need 200 tons of uranium and a stick of gum."
Chuck - Oh 200. We see what we can do. What you need for?
Ryan-I am going to blow up "Sub-shop" (a little restaraun in Golden, MO). They sell to non Talibanese.
Chuck- One week for your prize. I will tell the president to surrender the country or his little "sub-sandwich place" will be NO MORE! HAHAH"

Then we both laugh. We start to discuss about how our government probably has snipers and marines in the fields next to us. How we can't see them and they are right behind and around us. Then, we start to discuss UFOs and how it's either our government or a little alien race found in common "colli" flower. (the "colli" in colliflower is for "colo"ny.)

Anyway, we're walking and we stop by a field that we know there are horses in. So, I kinda have a gift when it comes to animals. They either like me or they don't. There's no grey area. But usually they like me. So, I call the horses, and they come. But one came that I wasn't expecting. THE KILLER HORSE FROM DOWN BELOW US WHERE THEY MAKE REALLY MEAN AND MAD HORSES THAT KILL LITTLE BOYS THAT WONDER OFF FROM THEIR HOMES AND CALL HORSES TO COME OVER AND EAT THE GRASS THEY PICK FROM THE SIDE OF THE ROAD! He came, also, except he didn't neigh, or whatever horses do. He like hissed and grunted and burped at the samed time. Yeah, it sounds funny now. But when you can't see the horse, and he sounds like he is right behind you, yeah, laugh then.

So, we gently start to mozy toward kamp. When, I mean "gently" and "mozy", I mean "scream" and "sprint", but neither one of us can run fast or yell loud enough for anyone else to hear. So, the horse is obviously not chasing us so we stop for a second to catch our breath. We only got about 50 feet, because we are not in shape. But, the horse didn't get us!

Now you're thinking, wow that's a story! But THERE'S MORE! Yeah, in a story that you thought nothing could possibly be worse, oh yeah, it gets worse.

We, you know, are walking back to kamp, when we look up into the sky toward kamp. There in the sky is a "light" that's slowly moving. I know what you're thinking, helicopter. But it was making no noise, whatsoever. Then, it STOPS, and moves backward. Then, it shines a spot light down toward the ground! I know this sounds funny but it really happened. So, we're totally freaked. I mean, we almost got killed by a killer horse, the we get ubducted by "colli" flower aliens, (for this reference, check Kennethtaylor.blogspot.com under arguements). I told yall they went after D-wayne. I am in the Ozarks. So, it goes back and forth shining its spotlight around like it owns the place. Then, all of a suddent, it dissapears.

So, we decide that the growling sound was a horse and the light was a suped-up helicopter. We tried to tell people, but people are unbelieving.

Rybo

2006-08-01T05:28:00.000-07:00

I do a lot with Lance Dunn

He spent a week at my house...WAHOO! That was fun! It kind of flew like a breeze, cause time flies when your having fun! Mostly what we did was make fun of Lance and my dog. But, he ended up being ok...he didn't die.

I had a great time...I remember, one night, when I was going to sleep I heard this constant beep...I thought it was constant. Anyway, I would just hear it and hear it. It turned out he was getting a whole bunch of text messages at 1 in the morning. LOL. The reason it's funny is that phone calls are free after 9pm, why would you text. LOL.

I cooked, I think. I don't remember because I haven't taken my "stay alive" medications, (i.e. Dr. Pepper, Snickers, Lattes). I just want to say that Lance made my time really AWESOME!

Thanx Lance!

2006-06-18T18:14:00.000-07:00

WHATABURGER~!!!

Last Time I went to Whataburger, Reepicheepette (my car) broke. This time was a bit more fun!

Lance, Ken, Matt and I walked in. There was no one behind the counter. So, we waited and looked around to decide what we would have. After about five minutes we knew what we wanted.

We waited for someone to come and take our order. Some people were just making noise in the back. Lance started making noise, like: GRR! and HMMPR!...no one noticed. Ken said that we might need to leave and come back. So, we walked outside and looked around. No one was there. We looked at the door as I ripped the door open and rushed in making much noise...no one noticed.

About two minutes later some "Whataburger" workers walked in from outside. The walked right passed us into the back, NOT LOOKING AT US. MAKING NO COMMENT AT ALL! Lance coughed, Ken sayed, "WOW!". Lance walked up to the register and pushed some buttons. It started to beep in two second intervals. Lance quickly moved away from the register. I, on the other hand, did not move from my position immediatly adjacent to the same register. As the noise continued, no worker took notice. As I was looking into the back, some women were having a goodtime apparently talking about a co-worker. They would glance in our direction and look away again, not caring that we were STINKIN HUNGRY!

Ken walks over to them and says, (Rather Loudly) "CAN WE GET SOME SERVICE?!?!"

A woman says, "OH YEAH!, I didn't see yall there...Did I p*** yall off?" My thing is if she didn's know we were there a long time, how did she know we were there and that we should be angry? SHE KNEW.

By this time, the rest of the crew came in. We ordered and proceeded to sit down. We picked a particular table that was conspicuously too small for our large group. My subconscience did this because I did not want to sit with Kara, a person that came. She, however, got her food before some other people and came over and asked, "Is this seat taken?"

I said, "Heck yes it is. I don't want to sit with you anyway."
She got angry and sat across the restaurant. Dan sat with her away from everyone. I didn't want to sit with him either. Everyone else came and sat at the table I was sitting at. That made me happy.

Lane, thinking that he is actually Wolverine and not that he would like to be if he were a mutant, continually claims that he is Wolverine and how alike their characters are. He also claims that he is the FIRST person EVER to want to be Wolverine. ---I was thinking that since "Wolverine" was "invented" in the 60's and Lane is no more than 20 years old, that somebody else must have worshiped Wolverine before Lane did. What do I know?

Lane started talking about my momma. Saying she was fat and ugly and stupid. Well, I punched him in the stomach, called him ugly and said "You can't read good!". He still kept telling me how bad my mom was. I said, "You should tell my mom that." Paying no attention, he continued. THEN, I started.

Lane - Your momma's so stupid she can't speak well.
Me - ...stupid she sat on the TV to watch the couch.
Lane -...elephantine she's grey.
Me - ...elephantine, when I told her to clean out her trunk, she blew her nose.
Lane - ...canine, she has canine teeth.
Me - ...canine, she has fleas.

I won, HANDS DOWN!

2006-05-28T07:24:00.000-07:00

LonDunn is the Manning

Sok, I went to London. It's pretty much one of the coolest places on the planet. Why? Because it's foreign and everyone speaks really cool English!

We exit the plane and you are greeted by British people everywhere. We split up into groups because we have sometime to spend. I walk around with Lane Trahan. We start looking for a cup of coffee, when we notic a little cigarette selling place. Now, normally this wouldn't be interesting, BUT today is no ordinary day. On each and EVERY box of cigarettes is the slogan, written in very large letters:

SMOKING KILLS

also

SMOKING SERIOUSLY HARMS YOU AS WELL AS PEOPLE AROUND YOU

There is no small surgeon general's warning.

So, this is somewhat comical.

As I said before, I need coffee.

We head upstairs. There is a Starbucks. I decide I would try and get an Alyce's Aulait. Lambda Omicron Lambda.

We get to the line and it's a big one. Lane notices that there is a man that has a rat on his mouth...oh wait! It's a moustache! So, this man has a seriously large moustache. We laugh loudly at this man. We forgot that England speaks english. After he gets his drink, he walks by and hits my booksack as he walks by. The man is smaller than I am, and that's small. We laugh and I step to order.

Me - "Hey, this is going to be quite difficult. So, pay attention. Ok?"
Him - "Yuh met." The guy speaks with a British Accent, AND has braces.
Me - "I want an Aulait."
Him - "A mowka?" I can't really understand him.
Me - "No. An OH-LAY! You know half milk, half coffee."
Him - "Oh, a smfoakjf?"
Me - "Yeah, ok. But the milk I want half and half. "
Him - "Helf end Helf whet?" Half and Half what? This guy stinking works at startbucks.
Me - "And I would like 1 pump vanilla and 1 pump hazelnut and 2 pumps white mocha."
Him - "Vanilla, strawberry and Mocha. Ok." He writes the order down on a cup and passes it to the other barista.

The coffee stinks.

It cost me $74.309998 cents. The Euro is killer!

Then, we decide to go to the bathroom. As we go to the bathroom, outside the actual stalls is a great big can labled:

RUBISH

LOL

That's what english people call trash. Rubish. LOL.

After making the phonecall we go downstairs to sit. We walk passed a baby, we hear, "Goo Goo, Ga Ga." This wouldn't be interesting at all except it was WITH a british accent. They learn young. We sit down and we are talking. Then, Luke and David come sit by us. We talk and I realize that I need a voltage converter. Lane and I run to the store to get it, but they do not have one.

We realize that Lane has forgotten his camera at the seat. We rush back, but it is gone.

Later, we are getting on the plane, and we find out that Luke picked the camera up, but left it at a sushi bar. LOL.

2006-05-28T07:10:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving on a Jet-Plane

I like to fly. Except when you have to spend most of your life on a plane. I spent 8 hours on a plane from Atlanta to LonDunn (Lance Reference). That's 1 hour less than last year...still too long.

We are seated from left to right:

Alyce
Lane
David
Luke
Stephanie
me

or something to that effect.

We get on the plane and start the voyage. The best thing on the planet ever happened to us. They played a station with continuous Enya music. WOW!!!!!

Enya, also, spoke about her new CD. ("I'm in Heaven", music please). That was the quickest 8 hours of my life.

They played "King Kong". If you haven't seen the movie...don't. They cut out a lot of part, as told by David...I didn't watch it.

I read Harry Potter, "The Order of the Phoenix". AWESOME!!! read it if you...no read it!

I just wanted to blog about Enya! sorry.

Quote - Mercy Priest "Why is everything so white?"
Jon Zeigler "It's old."

2006-05-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

Airport Antidotes

When I leave the country, I like to take dangerous weapons with me so that I can be stopped at the check-in by a guard.

Last year, I went to Greece. I forgot I had a 4.5 inch buck-knife in my baggage. The person checking me thought it would be a bad thing that I would bring that aboard. I haven't seen the knife since.

This year, like last year, I packed the day after finals. Rushing to pack is where things get awry. This year I forgot that I packed a hole-puncher.

Why did you pack a hole-puncher? - you ask.

2006-05-27T14:57:00.000-07:00

Fun With Poor People

So, Jon and I use Bohns a lot. That's train in German. People in Germany speak German! I don't. Anyway, we ride trains, "A.L.L." all the time. (The A.L.L. is a reference to David Sheilds, but I'll get into that later) We like to mind our own business. This dude who is seriously dirty. I have no idea whether or not he is poor. All I know is that he is SERIOUSLY dirty. His hands are black, but he is white! He comes asking for Kleingeld (change in German).
"Kleingeld? Dude what are you asking for Kleingeld for? You know that everything costs you at least 5 euros? You need to ask for like a ten or something! Here, I tell you what...You have change for a five? I'll give you five pence, you have 4.95 on you?" Granted this was all in German so I didn't understand a word.

The man looked confused. I don't blame him. I didn't understand a word either. Then, the man said, "Nine". I said, "Hey, numbers start at zero, buddy!". He looked at me, then looked at Jon.

Jon-"I tell you what, you sing me a song and I'll give you some money."

Guy-"Happy Birthday to You!"

Jon-"No. I mean like Barry Manelo. Yeah! Sing something from him!"

Guy walks away.

Jon-"Guess he wasn't hungry after all!"

2006-05-19T13:17:00.000-07:00

Breaded and Fried and GREECE :)

So, the day started at 6 am. I have to drive my mom to work, because she is going to bring me to the airport. So, her car is this HOTT PT Cruiser! Wow!

So, I have done absolutely nothing. The only thing I have done so far is that I have a passport. This was done last year, so it doesn't really count.

I have to get:

Packed
get traveler's checks
copies of my passport
copies of my tickets
get tickets to Berlin
Snacks
Books
Underwear ( I have forgotten underwear on important trips in my life)
Toiletries
Bible
A voltage converter

I also have to build a computer before I leave

and some other stuff I forgot. ( I'll remember when I get to Greece) LOL

I leave at 3 pm.

I call Alyce:

Ring Ring
ME: Do we have a voltage converter?
A: Yep.
Click

So, I finally get to the airport. Other people are there. LOL. It was also my suggestion that we get there at 3 pm instead of 4. Yeah, good call, Bourque! We waited an extra 1:15 minutes.

NOT ONLY, did we wait that much extra. We get our bags checked, we pass through security, we wait, we board the plane, we decide to switch seats, we get comfortable, we wait, we aggrevate the steward. Then, we hear over the intercom:

"We need to fill up. It will be about 12 min."

We wait.

"We are filled up, but we have a little problem with a valve. If the valve is not working we cannot pressurize the plane at altitude. If the ONE mechanic is not on the field it will be 2 months and four days before he can get here. So, let's see!"

We wait.

"He's in the field but working on another plane. So, it will only be 45 hours and 23 minutes. We will now deplane and wait. Sorry for the inconvenience."

We "deplane".

We play uno. I beat the tar out of everyone else.

An Albanian that we are riding with to Atlanta is there. She is going to miss her flight to Dublin (That's in Ireland), so they will put her up in Atlanta and pass her through Madrid.

Greeks don't like Albanians.

On the plane, we are pretty much going great. There really is no authoritarian figure there to keep the MANIACs that we are calm. BUTTTTT, our "Leader" Alyce is doing a fair job keepings us quiet and inconspicuous.

Steward:

"We are about to experience turbulance. Please..." Alyce goes absolutely siezure like, and she acts like there is a lot of turbulance. There isn't. He looks directly at her and stops talking.

"...keep your seatbelts fastened until the pilot says all is safe." He puts down his microphone and proceeds to walk towards the back of the plane. (That's where we are sitting.) He walks over and looks directly at Alyce.

"So, about this turbulance?" Alyce is redder than the Chili-Pepper shirt she is wearing.

"I..I...I..I sorry." He laughs and walks away.

"Hey!" I call out. He turns and looks. "Do you have coke?"

"Well, we have:

Coke
Diet Coke
Sprite
Gin
Extra Dry Gin
Water
Orange Juice
Coffee
Caffiene free Coffee
Apple Juice
Diabetic Juice
Epinephrine
Sugar water

Which one would you like?" and he walks away without staying for an answer.

We land in Atlanta without further incedent.

We sit down by our gate and Alyce pulls out the "Harry Potter Jelly Beans".

Vomit
Earwax
Grass
Dirt
Rotten Egg
Earthworm
Popcorn
Sardine
Black Pepper
Lemon Drop
Cherry

We sit in a circle. I say, "Hey can I have a vomit?" A guy has his back to us and he turns around and kind of looks at us but quickly turns away.

She gives me one. "Yuck, it's nasty!"

Stephanie: "Chase it down with some dirt and grass. It's like falling off a bike!"

"OK" Yeah, that wasn't smart. It's really bad.

Luke: "Try some sardine and rotten egg." That's wasn't good either.

Alyce: "Try my bugger!" The funny thing was, it didn't look like a jelly bean.
It wasn't too bad. It was salty.

So, the guy infront of us runs away and into the bathroom.

More from me tomorrow!

2006-04-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

Fun over Spring Break

2006-03-20T07:40:00.000-08:00

When We Went to Walmart

Lance and I had tried to go to the Art Museum just to try and find some ladies. It was closed. We decided to see if we could buy a house. There was a nice house just down the road from the university. We checked it out. It was only $225,000. That's pretty much pocket change. So, we decided we would buy two.

Also, the description was astrocomical. It used words like...

"cozy"
"delicate"
"friendly"

So, we left the house, not only were we finished looking around the yard and into the windows, but we were also chased by a guy with a sawed-off, fully automatic shotgun. He shot at least 139 shots at us, but we are just that fast.

After calmy reaching our car, we left for Walmart.

This is Lance's side of the conversation.

"Hey, where are yall?"
"Yeah, we are going there now."
"Yeah, we left already."
"Yeah, we are driving."
"You coming?"
"Yeah, meet us there."
"Yeah, we are by Kaliste Saloom."
"Yeah, meet us there."

So, we go in and shop. All we get is 32 packs of twinkies and a diaper. We didn't want the diaper for anything, it just had a funny picture on it. So, as Lance is looking through the movies and I am looking through the computer games, he gets a phone call. They are here.

We meet them in the pharmacy. I see them and I ask, "Where is the powdered sugar?" They laugh, not knowing that the powdered sugar is by baby powder. I say, "Powdered sugar is by the powder, and you know how to cook so I thought you would know where it is."

"Why do you want powdered sugar anyway?" Hope asks.
"I want to cook, duh!" Me smirking.

So, I pick up Goldbond medicated powder sugar and I leave. As we check out, we have a contest of who has the most expensive stuff. Lance won with $44,395,230.58. I only had $0.67.

We decide that we are hungry, so we have to decide where to go. Lance is starving. I say, "Hey let's go to Nimbeaux's." Everybody else makes a face like a baby when something is sour. "Ok," I say, "No Nimbeaux's."

"Where do you want to go?" Lance asks.
"I don't know, you make a decision," all the girls say in unison. Lance and I look at each other and realize what just happened.

"We made a decision and yall didn't want it. So, YOU PICK!" I said it really loudly. I accidently spit on someone passing by.

Elizabeth calls. She says she doesn't want to go to the cajun restaraunt.
"So, where does she want to go?" I ask.
"Yall pick," she says...

"We just did." I say.

So, we go to Chili's thanks to me making a decision I knew everyone would like.

So, Brittni decides to ride with Lance and me. Hehe. Big mistake. So, we get to Chili's and we go in. There is 1 customer in the whole place. We reserve a table for 8. So, the seatress says, "When half your party gets here let me know, and I'll seat you."
I was like, WHAT? I wasn't happy. So, I was like alright. So, we waited, and waited, and waited. People came in and were seated. Finally, after 4 hours, three more of us showed up.

I told the lady, "We are ready." Then, she looks away from us into the room.
"We don't have a table ready." I looked at her like she urinated into my cherios, for a long time.

I turned away. "Ok," I said with a long sigh.

2006-03-06T14:32:00.000-08:00

Ultra Violet

I don't know what to say about this movie except that I was one of the most unenjoyable movie ever. My small intestines propelled itself through my throat and choked me to death.

Rybo

2006-02-22T05:41:00.000-08:00

FUN with Josh and Lance

So, after a hard day of a lot of stuff. I really wanted to go to bed, especially since I have a stinkin' HUGE test the next day.

"Hey, you want to go to CC's?" -Lance.
"Yeah, sure." -Ryan (me). "When you want to go?"
"I'm waiting on you!" -Lance
"Josh, you wanna come?" I say to Josh.
"You driving."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are." This goes on for minutes. Then we conclude that in order for me to drive, Josh must lose to me in a wrestling match. He "HOLLA"s loudly and runs at me. I hit him in the face. He falls. I drive.

So we left. He wanted to go to the Kaliste Saloom. Stuff always happens there.

Boy, I really had to study.

So, everyone knows that studying with other people is never studying at all. Who gets anything Dunn?...LOL...get it? Lance Dunn...LOL

So, we were talking, as we always do, how AWESOMELY COOL Josh Manning is. Then, some really funny guy walks by. He is so thin he disappears when light hits him in different ways, but he has a really big pot-belly. He probably has mal-nutrition problems.

Then, this really funny looking guy, who was really short and wore glasses walked...sorry that's me.

Then, these girls were sitting right next to us...giggling. I saw Josh looking over there with his eyes. Lance was wanting to get into the action, too. He starts singing, "Lean on me. When your not strong..." I start doing the backup vocals. Josh starts doing something with his voice, I am not sure what. The girls are falling overtthem selves not to look at us. They are laughing and knocking their coffees over.

There is a guy in the corner looking at us. If looks could kill we'd all be dead, but guess what? THEY DON'T. LOL - evil laugh here.

Then, Lance broke into "My Girl". I do back up vocals, and Josh does something really cool. I don't know what it was, but the girls were giggling.

I tried to do homework at this point. Like I said, you don't get anything done at CC's. When I start to read, Josh pokes me in the eyes. That makes it really hard to do homework.

"Stand by me..." - Lance. So, we start to sing again. The girls are about to die from our coolness. They can't contain themselve, so they go buy a coffee.

So, our conversation from that point on was about the girls. 345 hours later, the girls, after waiting for us to go talk to them, get up. One of the girls says, "By yall!" but she is looking directly at Josh Manning.

"Is that a fat joke?" -Josh.
"Yes, P-H-A-T!" and she runs out the store giggling.

We think nothing of it. So, we continue to talk about the girls for another 92 hours. Then, we decide to leave. Not because we want to leave, the barista has a shotgun pointed at us saying, "If you don't leave now, I will shoot and by law I have the right." -He said it pretty calmly, which was eerie, because I thought he might just do it.

So, as we exited the building and going to my car, because I drove, we noticed that the parking lot had TWO cars in it. They were parked right next to each other. Mine was one of them. Reepacheepette (my car) looked really good. So, we look into the car next to us and WOULD YOU STINKIN BELIEVE! The girls are parked right next to us. We know how to take hints! So, we look at them. They giggle. We figure that they don't know how to speak english, so we leave.

2006-02-20T07:09:00.000-08:00

IHOP

So, we went to a softball game. That was fun! We made friends with the people around us. Some of the people were so cool, that they told us jokes. The reason this came about was that the announcer was making really bad ones.

Guy sitting next to me, "What do you call a woman with one leg?"
"Ilene." - me LOL

Me - "Where does she work?"
Guy - "I dunno."
Me - "IHOP!"

So, we decided as a group to go to IHOP. - This doesn't include the guy sitting behind us - Well, it was a hard decision, because IHOP doesn't split checks after 10. That is really just NOT good for business.

I waited for Lance to finish working in the press-box. I got to go in for a second. They seemed to be really busy. Picking up food, probably free to them. They still had some left. If you remember that I was EXTREMELY hungry by this point. I wanted to eat the plastic the food was in.

Lance had invited me to join him in the pressbox, for a few minutes. The game was over, so nothing was really going on, besides the people picking up things like FOOD. I was so hungry, I could have eaten plastic. Anyway, Lance had to go and fax some stats, so I just stayed in the press-box. After a while, people started leaving. No one had said anything or acknowledged me whatsoever. I just stayed in one spot, moving back a forth to get out the way when people would pass. You know, I didn't want to be conspicuous. There was one guy left, he must have been the announcer. He looked cajun and grey haired. He looked funny. Anyway, he started jingling his keys, turned off the light, and started coughing...I stared at him. He looked surprised. I decided it was best not to get arrested, so I left the pressbox.

I went down to the group that was standing right outside the bleachers. They were in a group. As you know, Eric N. is like a wrestling MANIAC. So, him and Lane were about to go at it, when I just almost takled Lane. Mostly to save Lane from Eric. But, I started you know, just pushing him around. Little did I know that a cop was right by us.

A little on this cop: this is the same lady that when I lived in Bancroft, she would not let us study outside. Now, I don't make much noise when I study, practically none. The reason I needed to study outside was because there was a girl in my class. Girls can't go in Bancroft after 11:00 or something. She made us leave. I had nowhere to go.----Then, later that week, a whole bunch of people were making noise, and she did nothing. It was even later than 12:00 am. I was furious. Just a little on this cop.

She just kind of leaned against a pole; she didn't move. That's probably why I didn't notice her. She didn't even say anything, my other friends started yelling, "HEY, THERE'S A COP RIGHT THERE! QUIT FIGHING, STOP, STOP!" Now, this made me think. The cop is not exactly the brightest tool in the shed. She works for U.P. Would she have said anything if my friends would not have said anything?...the Matrix.

The cop said, "Hey, yall stop." I looked at Lane's maroon and blue face and let him go. I don't even think she would have.

Anyway, it's like 9:59.9999998857564633 pm. So, we aren't going to be able to split our checks at IHOP. But, me being the MAN that I am, I pursuade everyone else to go to IHOP anyway.

Lance, after 45,000 minutes, is finished. We leave and call Kevin to make sure that they will split our check and if people are going to stay. Kevin is at Wal-Mart.

So, we get there. Even though we left really late, we are the second group there. Why? No one knows.

Anyway, everyone (12 of us) is there at about 9:58 - two whole minutes before we left. The lady is like, "You know we can't split checks after 10!" She has a smirk on her face. She obviously doesn't want to make money(tips) - she must hate the stuff. This reminded me of Josh Manning. This is exactly the way he wouldn't act.

Another lady, the waitress who would get our tips, says, "Hey, yall can split but you can't. You will have to make a whole bunch of changes but do it yourself, because we can't do it but you can, so why don't you stay and do it yourself because we can't and you can because we can do it if you do but if you don't we can't because our machine doesn't do it but if you decide what you pay you can split and then you can eat here so you don't have to leave."

I was like, what? I look at Lance, and he is looking at me. We have NO IDEA what to do. So, I look at Eric. He's sitting there with a grin. Probably because he is next tro his girlfriend, oblivous to what is going on around him.

"HEY ERIC!" I yell. He jumps and looks at me with a blank stare. "They won't split checks. What do you want to do?"

"I want to eat here."

"You can split the checks," our waitress chimes in, "you just have to decide who pays what. Just come to the register and tell the cashier what you want to pay on the bill and she will take it off. We can do a mixture of cash and credit card. So, you can split." I looked at Lance. He looked at me. That was AMAZINGLY more clear than her previous statement.

"Ok, let's stay." So, we all go to the table. We search over the menu. I see an item that has:

1. 2 eggs
2. 2 strips of bacon
3. hashbrowns
4. ALL THE STINKIN' PANCAKES YOU CAN EAT!
5. $4.99

WAHOO! You betcha! I get that, a glass of orange juice and some coffee.

We start talking and realize that Eric and Lance are sitting close to each other. This might be a problem because they are pretty much at each other's throats. They both want to beat each other into a pulp. Why? Because men are wild! LOL

I take my butter knife and cut the air. They start boasting about themselves, and who they have killed and maimed and slaughtered. This goes on for two hours before they realize that their food is cold, and half the people have left already.

Take it back a few hours. The others and I have discussed a few things as to who is going where for Mardi-Gras-Outreach. We got the bill - $100.50. WOW! So, I did some math on a knapkin. YEAH, buddy! Anyway, I put tax and gratuity so that people would pay what they needed and no one would be stuck with the bill.

GUESS WHO LEAVES EARLY! ERIC NIDA! The one guy who didn't want me to do the math because he knew how much he needed to pay. Yeah right! He payed $23. He needed to pay $25. So, guess who gets stuck with the bill...YOURS TRULY!

That's kind of where the story ends.

2006-02-18T11:11:00.000-08:00

The First Softball Game of the Year...for me

So, I like to play volleyball, but that has nothing to do with this story.

It was pretty warm when I got to volley ball. Warm enough to want to wear shorts.

I left volley ball to go see the softball game. I tried to recruit some people to come with me, but volleyball is a dangerous drug. Some people just can't kick it.

I go by myself, alone and unaccompainied. I find that my friend Eric N. is on a date with none other than his girlfriend. So, I sit with them.

So, it's pretty chili. I don't mean they have free food, the Lord knows I wanted some food. I mean it was cold outside. So, as they are kind of close to each other, giving heat. I am by myself freezing to death.

I feel kind of bad. I don't want to yell and be mean at this game. They are a bunch of girls. Not that I don't think they can take it. One of them might be my wife someday.

So, I sit there shivering. Then, Eric says, "Here there's Lance." I run to Lance and ask, "Hey, is it warm in the pressbox?" (That's where he works).
"Yes, but it's crowded."
I say, "I don't want to go up there. I want your jacket." I didn't bring my jacket because, in 10 minutes the temperature dropped 4,897,644 degrees Celsius. I love Louisiana.

Boy, I am hungry.

So, he gave his jacket to me and says, "Don't put it on now, it might look weird, you know?" Yeah, I know.

"Yeah, I know," I say.

So, I wait till I sit down to put it on. I am really hungry.

We soon realize that we are sitting in the visitors' side. Boy I was glad that I did not yell at the girls now.

The game starts.

The pitcher for Southern Mississippi is pretty bad. She would throw balls like crazy. It did not help that the umpire was THE WORST UMPIRE EVER! Not only did he call bad calls, he was inconsistent. I realized that the pitcher's mom was sitting next to me. BOY I WAS REALLY GLAD I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. I said, "Boy that ump is terrible! I am a Cajun, and he is REALLY BAD!" She looks at me exactly the way my mom wouldn't, and says, "Oh."

Eric is like, "Man, I want a foul ball. I am gonna catch it! Man, I played baseball for 2,409 years. I am gonna catch one!"

"Are you hungry, Eric?" "A little. You want to go to Judice?" "Yeah, let's go!" "Not now!"

A number of fouls have been hit. Everytime Eric has gotten up and run after it. Even, if it were on the other side of the field.

So, after about 3 innings we moved to the seat section from the bleacher section. A bit more comfortable. Man, I am hungry.

We could really see how bad the ump was doing now. So, since I like to yell so much, and I do it every time I get the chance, I started to yell at the Ump. lol

The head coach of the other team is really mad. He is making really bad calls like:

Foul when it's really in.
Hit the player when it hit the bad
Strike when ball and vice versa.

So, a few more foul balls have been hit. Eric runs after them and catches none.

We are constantly making fun of the ump. We have made friends with all the people around us. Everyone knows that Eric wants to get a foul ball. I want to get some food.

Then, in the fifth inning, the time has come. THE foul ball has been hit. There is Kevin, Lane, Stephanie, Brittni, Jenny, Eric and I, as well as other people we just met. Everyone gets out the way for Eric. This is beautiful. Eric barely has to even GET UP! He steps forward, reaches out his hands, leans back, and... ... ...the ball hits the floor of the bleachers and he MISSES IT!

WOW! Didn't even touch it. It fell to the bottom of the seats to where we couldn't reach.

Let's just say that everyone, including people in the pressbox, made fun of Eric. It was bad for him...I guess he shouldn't have missed.

Wow, we made every joke under the sun possible. He won't live it down.

Then, we went to IHOP. That's something else!

2006-02-18T10:44:00.000-08:00

The First Baseball Game of the Year...for me.

So, Valentines day with no date...I take that back. Valentine's day and a date with Josh "The Mann" Manning.

So, I had stuff to do before the game so I get there at the very begging of the bottom of the seventh. That means, we - the Rajun Cajun's are just getting up to bat.

I don't declare my self witty, just mean.

So, If you have ever been to a UL baseball game, there aren't many fans. Why? Noone knows. It's probably the best sport on campus. Not that I like baseball better than Football. By no means, but we are better at Baseball than Football.

So, I find Josh and my other friends. I sit in between Josh and Brittni Smith. Brittni soon moves. The score is 7 to 2, and we are winning.

I like to yell. So, I take the chance any time I get it. I start to yell at the other team's pitcher.

He throws a high ball, I yell, "Hey, you duck hunt in a swamp!"
He throws a low ball, I yell, "Hey, quit bowling, this is baseball!"
I, also, yell stuff like, "Boy, how does it feel to be really bad?!?"

I guess I was really mean, because he walked four strait players. LOL. I didn't notice until Josh said, "Boy, he's doin' really bad right now. He hasn't walked but two players, and now four?"

So, somehow they got 3 outs. It probably had something to do with the pitcher's team helping him.

So, now it was the top of the eighth. The first batter comes up. I begin to yell again.
My pitcher throws a strike, I yell, "Put on your glasses!"
He hits a pop-fly, and our team catches it. The batter ran to first anyway.
I yell, "How does it feel to run for no reason?!?"
We get three outs really quickly. Josh says, "Wow we never got that many so quick!"

The Bottom of the eighth. The pitcher is just really doing bad.
He pitches a ball, I yell, "Hey, if that were a lot better, maybe it would have been a good pitch!"
Again, "How does it feel to be so bad?!?"

Two times, very close to each other, there would be a man on first. He is leading off.
I would yell, "He's going, he's going!"
The pitcher would then throw to the first basemen. I then realized he could hear me.
This happend twice. So, it was no coincidence.

Josh Manning notices the first baseman looking into the stands. I am wearing a VIVID orange shirt.

Needless to say we won the game 8 - 2. At the end, the enitire dugout, steps out and looks into the stands. I duck, and hide. I was pretty much afraid for my life.

2006-02-18T09:49:00.000-08:00

The story starts Wednesday, Febuary 8, 2006.

The time was 12:50 pm. "Free Meal with a Message" had just ended, and I was on the hunt for a Valentine...you can never be too early. There was a large crowd, just the perfect place to be unnoticed talking to the ladies. So, as I cooly, calmly slide myself over to the lovely Molly D'avy, I put on my best FACE. I say, "Hey, Molly. What are you doin' Tuesday night?"

She says, "I dunno, nothing. Why?"
"Hey, wow. I am doing nothing, too. You wanna do nothing together?"...boy that was suave!
As she laughs and looks at me like I am a bald eagle that looks exactly like me. "Sure!"

Fast forward two days. As a few comments go back and forth on Facebook, Josh Manning has asked me to be his Valentine a few times. I had to turn him down, I was busy with Molly. Molly has posted on my "Facebook wall", and she has told me to calm down. I was pretty exited. I mean, it's not every day you get to go somewhere with a D'avy.

After I finish reading my wall, Josh askes me in person. I turn him down. Two minutes later, Molly comes over to me and says, "You know I was just kidding right?" As I calmly say, "Oh, yeah, I knew that. I was just joking anyway." My heart BURST into a million pieces. I was CRUSHED. lol, you have to laugh to keep from crying. Josh then asked me to be his Valentine. I turn him down.

I was not discouraged. I begin to ask every girl I see. "Hey, what you doing Tuesday night?"
This was probably not to my benefit as the fourth girl I had asked in so many minutes had already known I was going to ask...this is probably the "Girls Network". You know how all girls know what every other girls knows. Josh then comes and asks me to be his Valentine. I turn him down.

Anyway, so I had figured I had not asked the right girl. So, Friday, I ask Michelle Michelle. She says, "Yeah. And we can get married too." WOAH, slow down little lady. I wasn't ready for that. Two seconds later I say, "Sure." Josh asks me again. "Sorry," I say.

Then, 12.453897 minutes later, I go to Kate Fisher - Amy Fisher's Cousin - and asked her,
"What you doing, Tuesday night?" I did not realize that Michelle Michelle was sitting directly across from Kate. Lance Dunn, the great friend that he is, held a news paper in front of Michelle Michelle so that she would not see us. "Josh comes up, "Can I come?" "Sorry, no."

Kate says, "Yeah, sure. Let's go to Vegas! Let's get married." WOAH! Slow down little lady. But, this time I was not as surprised. 1 second later, I say, "Sure."

Michelle was not too upset. So, we decide that Lance, Michelle Michelle, Kate, and I would double date.

Fast forward two days. Lance and I go to Walmart and gift shop for our women. I get Kate a stuffed animal, chocolates, and a card. Josh comes up, "Hey guys, what yall doing for Valentine's?" "We got plans already Josh. Sorry."

Fast forward two days - this seems to be a good number - Tuesday, February 14, 2006. VALENTINES DAY...THE DAY. I talk to Michelle Michelle to make sure they are still comming. Lance and I had made all kinds of plans. We were going to do stuff. Michelle Michelle was like..."ehh, you know. I got to go with my LG." COME ON! She punked out. I was like, "Oh, Yeah, I didn't really want to go anyway." My heart was broken AGAIN! UGGGH!

So, I have no date. It's Tuesday. It's 3 pm. What am I going to do? Josh Manning.

I have lifegroup at 7 pm. So, I go to that. Then, I meet Josh and a few other souls at the Baseball game, which is another story in itself. Then we go to Bufalo Wild Wings, and the rest is history.

2006-02-18T09:21:00.000-08:00

Josh Manning

Sok, Josh Manning is the coolest thing ever! I will quote him because he wrote it so well.

Josh Manning writes:

Tonight my manhood was challenged, and then - just as quickly - defended. Even more important, though, is that I didn't just defend my own manhood, but the reputation of true Cajuns everywhere (those from Terrebonne/Lafourche - not the Lafayette weenies.

The Story:

After TNL tonight, a large group of us from Chi Alpha go to Buffalo Wild Wings to hang out. One of the novelties about BWW is their large wing selection. They've got well over 20 flavors of wings, and the menu has them listed in order of "hotness."

Ryan Bourque is sitting across the table from me complaining that his "Spicy Garlic" wings are hot. These are found near the middle of the menu.

I begin to laugh at him and call him a weenie. It is then that the dare is made.

"What are you trying to say?" says Ryan.

"I'm saying that last time I was here, I ate the Wild Wings (second to last on the menu) and I thought they were pretty bland."

"I don't believe you."

"I'm telling you - when I eat ramen, I boil the water with whole cayenne peppers - then add hot sauce and Tony's."

"But still, these wings are hot."

"By me some blazing wings (last on the menu - the very HOTTEST BWW has to offer) and I'll prove it."

Ryan contemplates this a bit and decides it's worth it. He goes ahead and buys eight blazing wings for me, with one stipulation - "You've got to eat them all . . . without any fluid intake whatsoever."

"Easy," I said confidently.

By this time our conversation has caught the attention of a few people, and by the time the wings arrive, a small crowd has formed around the table.

I allow Ryan and several others to taste the sauce on the wings to see if it meets up to their standards. They all immediately take a sip of water and complain of their mouths being numb.

As I begin to take my first bite, Lance stops me and calls to my attention the warning label slapped on my basket:

Warning: Blazing wings may irritate skin or eyes. Wash areas of contact thoroughly with water.

I chuckle and take a bite of the boneless wing. I taste a good amount of vineger, but nothing overwhelming. I shove the remainder of the wing in my mouth.

Gasps come from the crowd.

"Did you just put the whole thing in your mouth?" asks Nikki.

I smile and quickly throw another one down with no ill effect. They don't taste very good - again, very vinegery - but not overwhelmingly spicy.

Then I begin to eat wing number three. By this time, the small crowd has grown into a large crowd as several dozen people gather around the table.

And it was there that it hits me. My sweat glands begin to fight with each other over which one gets to emite the sweat first. Tears began to roll down my eyes. Ryan offered me a glass of water.

I pushed it aside and shoved wing number four down my throat.

It was at this point that Dan walks up. He wants to see what the commotion is about. As I prep myself for the next wing, Ryan tells Dan that I just ate four Blazzing wings.

"Oh that's nothing," Dan replied. "I just got finished eating twelve of them."

"Yeah," said Ryan. "But he's not drinking any liquids."

"Oh . . ." Dan replies.

At this point I'm literally begining to feel nauseous and am about to throw up. My mouth is literally on fire. Dwight, sitting next to Ryan, tells me to drink some water. Ryan also admits that I've blown away all expectations he had, and that if I was to quit now he'd still have more respect for me than he does for any other human being on the planet.

I take the glass of water in my hand and bring it near to my mouth. I then feel a hand lay on my shoulder.

I turn to my left and see another hand reaching towards the glass. The hand grabs the glass and stops it before it reached my lips.

It's Lance.

He looks me in the eye, leans over, and whispers, "Don't let that 'bama boy out do you. Take your time. You can do it."

I put the water down and slide it across the table. The crowd begins to chant my name. Ryan and Dwight shake their heads in disbelief.

Wing five enters my mouth. Bitter. Chew. Vineger. Swallow. Nausea. Sweat. Tears.

Stomach ties knots. My tongue feels like a million ants are biting it all at once. A bit of the sauce has dripped down the side of my lip. It feels like a match has just been struck and then laid there. Sweat is dripping from my hair just as grease was dripping from the chicken.

Ryan's mouth hung open. I looked at my plate and saw three more wings sitting there. Dwight offered me the water again. He literally begged me to take it. Pressure began to build up in my head. I glanced over to where Dan was standing. He shook his head and walked away.

I look back over to Lance. He smirks and shakes his head as well.

Wing six. Going, going, gone.

The crowd cheers. The nausea builds. Bourque's mouth continues to drop. Dwight covers his eyes.

I look at Lance. He winks at me and nods his head.

I drink a tall glass of water.

Okay, so I admit I didn't down all eight of them. But seriously, one more and I wouldn't have been able to finish it. I would have puked halfway through. Still, though, no one at that table (except maybe Lance) expected me to make it that far - at least not without water. I probably could have done several dozen had I paced myself and had some water with it. Anyway, if you would still challenge my manhood after that, then I'll go with you next Thursday and buy the wings.

Now, the funnies thing about that night was that after a silence of eating five wings, Josh leans back, sweat gleans off his forehead. He says, "Woah, that's hot."